Love and Marriage

"In a family the husband needs the wife to prepare his food; to make, mend, and wash his clothes; to fetch water; and to keep the rooms and furniture in the house clean. The wife needs the husband to till the soil, to build and reapir the house, and to earn money ot buy the goods they need. God has put into a mans' heart the capacity to love his wife, and into a omwna's hear the capacity to love her husband. But their mutual dependence makes them love each other out of necessity also. At times love within the heart may not be sufficient to maintain the bond of marriage. But love which comes form material necessity will give that bond the strength it needs to endure times of difficulty. The same is true for society as a whole. God has put into every person's heart the capacity to love his neighbors. But that love is immeasurably strengthened by their dependence on one another's skills."

-St. John Chrysostom

At first glance, this quote may appear old fashioned - fit for the 4th century, in which it was written. But it still holds today. St. John speaks of specifics for a wife's role, but he essentially describes work - hard work. In today's society many women work outside the home, which means they work doubly hard when they get home.

But whether a marriage involves one person working outside the home or two, it is still a teamwork situation. Both wife and husband work for the betterment of the whole.

These days many people find themselves in a twisted version of what St. John is talking about. They play house first, moving in together before they get married. Then, as he mentions, they find themselves unable to break up, both dependent on each other for finances. But without the lifetime commitment, eventually they do part.

In addition, there are married couples who experience the times when "love within the heart may not be sufficient" to hold on. But as women assert their financial independence, they march out of the homes when things get rough, using day care to help raise the children.

The truth is marriage is hard, and there are times when it may seem "easier" to quit. Sometimes people pull through because they believe that marriage lasts forever. Or they need each other financially. Or they are too ashamed to admit defeat. Whatever the reason, they pull through those hard times to better times on the other side, and that's how it is supposed to be.

Because marriage isn't supposed to be all lovey-dovey and romance, but it IS supposed to last forever.

Wages

"Commerce in itself is not bad; indeed it is an intrinsic part of God's order. What matters is how we conduct our commerce. The reason why commerce is necessary is that God created human beings with different ambitions and skills. One person is a good carpenter, another a good preacher; one person can make crops grow in the poorest soil, another can heal the most terrible diseases. Thus each person specializes in the work for which God has ordained him; and by selling his skills, or the goods he produces, he can obtain from others the goods that he needs. The problems arise because some people can obtain a far higher price for their work than others, or because some people employ others and do not pay a fair wage. The result is that some become rich and others poor. But in God's eyes one skill is not superior to another; every form of honest labor is equal. So inequalities in what people receive for their labor undermine the divine order."

- St. John Chrysostom

"Remember how we have all been created. All human beings have a common ancestor. Thus all human flesh has the same substance; there is no difference between the flesh of the nobility and that of peasants. When we commit an act of charity, in which we use our excess wealth to help someone with too little, we are acknowledging our unity with others. After all, the rich and the poor have the same flesh, the hunger of the poor should ccause pain to the rich; and the pain can only be soothed through assuaging that hunger . Sadkly, rich people often speak about charity, expressing their good intentions, but their deeds do not match their words. Good intentions give some cause for hope: they mean that the rich recognize their unity with the poor. Our challenge is to persuade the rich to turn words into actions. Preachers must try to do this; and so also must everyone who has an opportunity to speak to the rich."

- St. John Chrysostom

We do not need to buy air, water, fire, sunshine, and things of this kind. God has given enough of all these blessings for everyone to enjoy them freely. The sun shines equally on the rich and the poor, and they both breathe the same air. Why is it, then, that these necessary things, which sustain life, are created by God for common use, while money is not common? The reason is twofold: to safeguard life and to open the path to virtue. On the one hand, if the necessities of life were not common, the rich, with their usual greediness, would take them away from the poor. In fact, since they keep all money for themselves, they would certainly do the same with these necessities. On the other hand, if money were common and available to all, there would be no opportunity for generosity on the part of the rich and gratitude on the part of the poor.

- St. John Chrysostom

A Message from St. John Chrysostom

A few months ago I decided to read through the "Doctors of the Church," a group of people who were considered to have made a significant theological contribution to Christianity throughout the ages. One of the books I have read was by St. John Chrysostom, a man who lived in the early days of the church and wrote about equity. I enjoyed his work because it was challenging yet doctrinally sound. I would call it a summary of Christian economics.

The book I had broke his sermons into short page-long pieces, and since St. John's works are now considered "public domain" I wanted to reproduce what he said here - it will help me to keep in mind his advice as well as to share some good wisdom with those who otherwise might not seek it.

"The rich usually imagine that, if they do not physically rob the poor, they are committing no sin. But the sin of the rich consists in not sharing their wealth with the poor. In fact, the rich person who keeps all his wealth for himself is commiting a form of robbery. The reason is that in truth all wealth comes from God, and so belongs to everyone equally. The proof of this is all around us. Look at the succulent fruits which the trees and bushes produce. Look at the fertile soil which yields each year such an abundant harvest. Look at the sweet grapes on the vines, which give us wine to drink. The rich may claim that they own many fields in which fruits and grain grow, but it is God who causes seeds to sprout and mature. The duty of the rich is to share the harvest of their fields with all who work in them and with all in need."

Answered Un-Prayers

So here's a question I have been considering. I am a huge believer in the power of prayer - that all prayers are answered, even if the answer is "No." I believe that it is very reasonable that God may want to give us the things we ask for, so long as they are in His best interest and ours. I have no trouble that God CAN answer even the hardest prayer and that he is WILLING to answer prayers for even relatively small things. I don't like to pray for silly things, but I think God can use answers to silly prayers to bolster faith in others.

But here's my question - does God answer prayers we don't ask? I have found this phenomenon appearing with almost regularity in my life. A problem comes up that I either believe is to small to pray about, or that I just neglect to pray over. And yet, the problem resolves itself with miraculous speed. Now, if I didn't have a strong faith, I would call this luck, and I don't really have a problem calling it luck now. But I still wonder if it may be more than that. Is it wrong to think that maybe God is trying to get my attention? To say, "Sarah, you didn't bring this to me, but look what I can do if you would!" A little reminder to bring everything to Him.

Now, whether we believe that God does reach down and solve insignificant problems in our lives or not, there is no reason why we can't be grateful to Him. We are supposed to thank God for all our blessings, and so these answered un-prayers (as opposed to unanswered prayers) are most certainly a cause for thanks! As the Christmas song says, we should go to sleep "counting blessings instead of sheep." And maybe that is the lesson I need to learn today.

Reality TV

I remember the good ol' days when reality TV first hit the scene. People were fascinated by this new genre, although at first it was just an outcropping of what had already been in place. Game shows where people competed for outlandish prizes and talk shows where people were exposed for their good deeds, odd quirks, or outrageous personalities. Still, most people I knew thought the reality TV thing was a phase that would pass. It certainly seemed that way, as soon "Celebrity" editions of popular shows came out, trying desperately to change things up to keep audiences interesting. Still, some of the first shows exist - Survivor and Big Brother, and other shows are always coming and going. Some shows are educational, others are entertaining, and still others are just wrong on so many levels.

This year I have found myself watching some of the shows, despite not having cable and despite not really wanting to. I was just drawn in. But I feel like I could be a great contestant on some of these shows. For other shows, I will have to wait for "special editions" to compete, like:
"America's Next Top Really Really Short Slightly Overweight Kinda Old to Begin a Career Like this and Not All That Attractive to Begin With Model." (also known as "America's Next Top Foot Model" (or hand...or elbow...just not face)
"The Moderate Loser" For those of us who really want to be pushed to lose that extra 10 - 20 pounds
"Dancing With the Regular People."
"Extreme Makeover: Condo Edition" Although I've never seen them demolish a home that is part of a larger block of homes...I don't think I have done anything of merit to qualify for this.
"I Was Smarter than a Fifth Grader when I Was in Fourth Grade."

But I think reality TV should try to do some good in the world, while it is going strong. For instance, instead of all the celebrity editions of everything, these shows should hire people who have been out of work for a long time, to help jump start the economy. Also, some of the TV shows could really serve purposes in psychological research, all they would have to do would be to tweak a few things to make the experiments truly scientific. A show I watched a few times, "Dating in the Dark," claims to be a unique new dating experiment. Well, why not take it up a notch and get some psychology grad students involved in designing the show so that it truly meets the qualifications for an experiment. The same could be said about, "What Would You Do?" This is a great show that puts people in interesting situations and then tests what they would do. It is close to scientific because they change up different variables, one at a time, in order to see if the response changes. Once again, just a few tweaks, and people could write believable research papers on the results. Similar to "Myth Busters," it would be both educational and entertaining, and colleges would benefit from the research funding.

And, of course, the shows could continue the great work they do with charity - shows like Oprah's big giveaway, where people compete to do the most good or like "Extreme Home Makeover." Even normal shows like "American Idol" or "Dancing With the Stars" could incorporate community service - teaching young, at risk, teens how to dance or sing to keep them out of trouble.

And maybe we could get some of the morals back in line with traditional American values, or at least not glorify risky behaviors. Imagine a show about young people choosing to date purely. Or the next episode of the bachelor could (SPOILER ALERT) end with the bachelor rejecting both finalists with a Public Service Announcement type discussion on why we don't enter serious relationships with men who date multiple women at once.

Since reality TV looks like it's here to stay, I just figured these could become incorporated into the genre for the betterment of all Americans.