Saturday, July 5, 2008

My Dream Wedding

On Thursday I had the privilege of being maid of honor in one of my best friends' wedding. It was a beautiful affair - she had planned a wonderful wedding, but better than that, she was marrying a wonderful guy, and I was all giggles and grins for her.

Now I am so excited because I don't "have" to talk about weddings for, I'm hoping, at least a year - as my other friends are not even dating yet. :) But, before I put the subject to rest, I think it's time to give my views on what I want my wedding to be like - you know, what I would have done differently, etc.


First of all, I have two confirmed ministers who would be willing to do my wedding "for free." I'd like my dad to perform the ceremony, but he might be otherwise engaged (photos, giving me away, etc.). I also have to account for any ministers the husband-to-be would want. However, I think I shall for sure use both my confirmed ministers, and hopefully a third, to do the wedding in a three-headed broadway star type way.

JD: "Do"
Will: "You"
Third Guy: "Sarah"
JD: "Take"
Will: "This"
Third Guy: "Man"

If I can only have two, then I believe that JD and will should sing and interpratively dance the ceremony. I'd leave them up to their own creativity.

Now, I may want to have the wedding party inside the church, and then have the guests file in to music. Maybe I'll put a number on everyone's invitation, and they will line up outside the church and march in very solemnly to Canon in D. The number, of course, will correspond to how I feel for them. So there will be people in the back looking at each other and thinking, "Why is he sitting next to me? I know she doesn't like him..." and thinking that the back is the best seat because you're first in line at the reception.

I will walk down the aisle with my father, and he will, of course, be bringing a goat with him. Now, if I don't get married for some time, and if between my dad and I we are doing quite well financially, I don't see a reason why it should not be a cow or a mule. But for now, we'll call it a goat. When the preacher(s) ask, "Who brings this woman to give away blah blah blah," and he says, "Her mother and I," then my husband will turn around and first take the goat, and then take me, and we will walk back up to the altar. Lucky guy!

I think, seeing as how the goat will be there, I'd like to incorporate it into the ceremony somehow. I'm thinking about tying our hands together with the goat rope to symbolize how we will share everything - chores, goat, house, life, etc.

As soon as my husband and I (and the rest of the wedding party) leave, the lights will go dark, and a booming voice will start talking. It will be one of those previews - like for a movie. The guests will then watch a movie (I don't care what movie it is, but the preview has to be dramatic - preferrably the movie will be so opposite of a wedding, and maybe have an unhappy ending). This will give us time for photos before people head to the reception.

At the reception, I was thinking of having my husband and I shove each others faces into the cakes - this only works if we are not too rich, as I wonder if my husband would hold me down too long if he knew he stood to inherit a lot. The cake that everyone else eats will probably be an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. There will be a lot of Pepsi, potato chips, and Quaker snacks, as I plan to get Pepsi to sponsor my wedding. (All I have to do is make my colors red and blue, and other than that, I don't think they'd interfere much with my plan).

I also think that, instead of throwing the bouquet, we'll play hot potato with it. If we want the reception to run on, we could play a kind of musical chairs with it - the girl holding the bouquet when the music stops has to leave. Or, to save time, whoever holds it when the music stops gets to keep it and be the "next one to get married."

When my husband and I leave, I believe we should dress up in some kind of ethnic-folksy kind of outfits - part of me thinks German, but a close second would be ancient Israel. And then we will walk across a field, leading the goat, into the sunset until we are out of view (where, of course, there will be a car, limo, or seaplane waiting to take us on our honeymoon).

If I have left any details out that people feel are important in planning weddings (songs, flowers, dresses), please feel free to ask - I only leave them out because I don't want people stealing my ideas! If there are ideas here that call specifically to anyone - if there are any engaged people out there - then I wish them happiness in life, and they are more than welcome to use these ideas. ('Twould be wonderful if we could bring back the goat...)

So I hope to see you all at my wedding...look for your numbered card in the mail.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Risks and Rewards

Ironically I thought of writing a blog on this subject many weeks ago - I remember I was at my parents' house. However, this week at training, the subject was brought up anew.

So a bunch of us accountants are sitting in class and having a "get to know you" exercise in which we state what we would do if money and skill were not objects. And frankly I was amazed at the responses! They varied so wonderfully! And yet, it was kind of sad. Essentially all of us had these great ideas for what we'd do, but we were accountants. I mean, people associate accountant with boring, but we had golfers and crab boat fishers and clothing line designers and all kinds of things! These are people with dreams and creativity and hobbies.

My first impression was - "Man, we are all so greedy!" And can you blame me? It's hard to hear thirty people essentially say, "This is what I'd do if I didn't have to put food on the table." And there were some jobs that I think they Could have managed as a hobby or part-time job. I mean, if that's your dream - go for it!

My second thought was that the second part of the question was key, too. I mean, being a professional golfer pays well, so you'd never have to worry about that - but you do have to be good at it.

I've been thinking about what we get sensitive about, and why. For instance beauty, intelligence, and money are all really sensitive topics. And I see the reasons for that - you can't to a whole lot (not that you can't try...) to improve how you look or how smart you are. I mean, you can buy new clothes and change your hair style - even have surgery - but it's a lot of genetics. And you can go to college and get 4 Phd's...but will that improve your ability to process or learn if you didn't have the ability before? Or will you even make it that far?

Essentially, those are things we all want but can't change.
And money's almost as hard to change. I mean, in America the theory is that anyone can change their status. But in reality, you have to be given opportunity (or make it), and you have to have a goal and plan to get that way.

So I'm thinking of things we want to do - if money and skill aren't objects - and I think of the typical jobs that everyone says, "How did you get that job?" Acting...freelance anything...I would love to be a travel writer or book reviewer....being a pop star...things that can make you rich, you pick your hours, you get to do what you love....it's different for everyone, but the criteria are often similar.

And so are the barriers.

I had thought about the guy who made "Supersize Me." That was a huge risk - taking a month out of his life, eating just McDonald's food, and making a video about it? What if it didn't pay off?

So that's really the point! He took a risk, and he got rewarded. Now he has the fame, credibility, and budget to make documentaries over whatever it is that interests him! I, on the other hand, would be too afraid to try to make it big with a video camera and computer - unless I was doing it after work and not instead of.

It seems all the "awesome" jobs have that to some degree. Many wanna-be actors wait tables for years before they get "discovered." Writers live paycheck to paycheck until they get their first big novel and name credibility. And golfers? Well...you can only practice so much before raw talent has to kick in.

We could all live our dreams if we wanted to - we just have to be willing to take the risk. Economics tells us that you can't beat the market - believe it or not, the only way to strike it rich (invest a dollar and get a million overnight) is to risk a lot as well (risk losing that million and going bankrupt). There's no way around it. So there's no guarantee that we'll make it as actresses or golfers or writers - but if that's what we really want to do, then we can! And should! There's always a way...

But at the end of the day, we value security more. Men and women, accountants and non-accountants alike. We invest in low-risk, higher return careers, and I only hope at the end of the day we're just as happy as if we had been doing....that other thing...

Sunday, June 15, 2008

DisneyQuest

So after my bad luck with trying to Star Rate the Philadelphia attractions, I'm worried my review won't be so good here, either. However, I was privileged (okay, I paid money to go to) in being able to go to DisneyQuest last night - Disney's All-Indoor Amusement Park!

So I will now attempt to discuss it as so:

Price: $40. I stayed for about 3 1/2 hours, although I could have stayed much longer if I had wanted to revisit some rides or play some video games. Therefore, I believe this attraction could cost between $5 and $12 an hour. These prices are in line with many attractions like mini-golf and movies. They are also in line with the Disneyworld Parks themselves - $75 for one day works to somewhere less than $10 if you stay the whole day. Also, because the park is indoors, I think you have less chance of tiring out, getting hot, and needing a break. You are more efficient, and less likely to buy expensive drinks.

Theme Park of the Future: I was very impressed with the concept behind DisneyQuest. In a way, it is like Dave & Busters or ESPN Zone, where you play video games. In fact, some of the video games were the exact same ones as I have seen in both of those venues. However, with the entry price, the video games were all free - so there was no fear about wasting time or a token on a video game you didn't like, or that you lost, etc. In fact, most of the park was designed with this competitive spirit - even games you stood in line for, like virtual reality lightsaber fighting, gave you scores and rankings. Yet there were no prizes, so no one can really get too upset about their scores. Other rides made me feel that this could very well turn into the theme park of the future - besides the virtual reality games. We designed roller coasters and then were put into roller coaster simulators to ride the ride. I went on a jungle cruise in a blow-up boat that used sensors to feel the movements of our paddles. So we could determine where on the ride we traveled to. I don't know how these rides compare to other Disney rides in environmental safety or cost to the company. However, it's a great idea for pioneering the amusement park of the future - there may be a time where all parks are indoors, or even brought to the comfort of your own home.

Drawbacks - So there were two main drawbacks. The first was the ickyness of it. Amusement parks are pretty icky anyway - if you think too hard about it, you may get creeped out. People sitting in and touching everything you sit in and touch. The possibility of being in a car that had vomit in it not two trips before you. And it goes one. However, the ickyness here was a little worse because we had to wear virtual reality helmets - lice? - that had been disinfected but still felt gross...The other drawback was the time. I will admit, the lines for the attractions were all between 5 and 10 minutes, which is short for DisneyWorld. It felt longer, however, because the attendents many times could not be seen - they would take people down the hall to set them up. Also, when there were attendants, the rides seemed very people-heavy. Every person had to be personally set up in their ride, told what to do, etc. So getting onto an attraction was both time consuming, and resource consuming. The virtual reality was the worst because the attendant had so much to do! She had to clean off the helmets, pass out the helmets, explain the ride, and set people up in their rides and turn them on. All this, and she always had open spots, so the people in line were that much more likely to become a little antsy.

Overall, given DisneyWorld's standing ***** Rating, I would give DisneyQuest a ***3/4.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tornado

So I'm sitting in our storage area / basement waiting for a tornado to hit.  The sirens kind of stopped, and we're in the cloudy/slightly rainy/windy phase.  The weather service told us that a tornado had touched down west of here, and it looks like the worst is at I-435, which is about two miles west, so it's only a matter of time before we either get hit or the warnings expire.

I got to meet our neighbors - a lady and her daughter.  Both very pleasant and talkative, even if the daughter is in that awkward stage between 3 and 11.  :) 

So we're sharing stories, and I really want to go outside and watch again, but Kristen suggested I blog.  

I've been thinking of what to blog about recently, and I've had some ideas, but when I get home, I'm not in the mood for blogging.  Obviously I got bored with the whole "Philadelphia" series (oh, not that Philly was boring - my interpretation of the attractions was boring, and I was not pleasing myself with the quality of my work).

This reminds me of another storm when I was a kid - I kept running upstairs, bringing toys down to save, and running back up again.  Of course, the next day I didn't want to carry them all back upstairs.  So I was materialistic as a kid...so sue me.  :)

Even now I find myself concerned about silly things - the house I just bought, my car, even though it's safe under a roof.  But I'm not too concerned because it looks like it will all go north.  
So, I suppose I should get back to socializing...or looking upstairs at the storm...either way, I'm sorry about the lack of quality posts lately - I have some good ideas for the future, but I'm on training next week, and we'll see...

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Independence


The Constitution Center ****

So it's kind of sad, but I think of this as my favorite attraction in Philadelphia. There is an entrance fee, but I think it would have been worth it...especially if I had seen the entire thing. I had to leave to go see Independence Hall. The best part was a 17-minute long audio-visual dramatic presentation about the Constitution and American freedom. It was incredibly inspiring, and left me feeling warm and fuzzy about the country I live in. After the presentation I went to an interactive musuem that displayed various aspects of the Constitution and the three-sided government it created. The place was interesting as well as inspiring.


Independence Hall ***

So here's the problem with Independence Hall - in order to go on the tour, you must go to the Indepedence Mall Visitor Center across the street fairly early in the day. They give out free timed tickets to see Independence Hall. This is the only attraction in Philadelphia that is handled this way. The problem is - given all the hullabaloo, it's not that great. Don't get me wrong, I think the people who started the program knew what they were doing. Also, the Hall is inspiring, historic, and interesting. But given the hoops you have to jump through to get in - it's a bit of a let-down.


Congress Hall ***3/4

Located right next to Independence Hall, Congress Hall is where the country was run from 1790-1800 (roughly). I snuck into this hall and joined a 20-minute tour that showed us the House of Representatives and the Senate. I found this more interesting than Independence Hall and also enjoyed the ease at which I saw it. It loses significance compared to the place where our country was born, but it still played an important part in American history.


Friday, June 6, 2008

Franklinvile


Don't ask about the title today...


So! Philadelphia sites:


Franklin Institute ***1/2

The Franklin Institute is a hands-on type musuem, designed around science and learning and catering more to kids than adults. Having been to similar musuems in Chicago (the Field Musuem **1/2, Adler Planetarium ****, and the Musuem of Science and Industry ***), I was able to get a feel for where Franklin ranked. Like the other three musuems, this is supposedly a bit pricy - we came less than an hour before closing and got in for free - but has ever changing exhibits. One such exhibit, the Silence Dogood Letters, (which may or may not have actually been there) were featured in the smash hit - National Treasure.


The Liberty Bell ****

Like many historic landmarks in Philadelphia, the Liberty Bell is free of charge to enter. We also came to this exhibit around closing, and according to Ian, there's usually a huge line. Because we missed the line, I also didn't have to read all the information about the bell posted for in-line entertainment. Therefore, I wasn't exactly psyched or awed by the bell - not having been indoctrinated with its importance beforehand. But, like so many things in life, the meaning solidified in my head over the next couple of days. I recommend this - it's free, and even with the line, you get the chance to learn history.


10th Street Presbyterian Church ***3/4

So it's not a tourist attraction, per se, but the Scherlings had gone to a few churches (including the famous Christ Church) and chose this one to be their home for eight months. I've been wildly about Presbyterians for a few reasons: 1) I don't know what makes them specifically different than other denominations - I don't know what they believe, and 2) I've been reading Catholic propoganda, and it seems a disproportionate amount of converts to Catholicism are former Presbyterians. Several points on this church - it's traditional and high, meaning they follow a form of liturgy, and they sang hymns. The music was played by an organ and brass band, although Ian says that sometimes there are strings and piano, it just depends. The song selections didn't thrill me - in fact, one song had the wrong lyrics, causing me to become disoriented and inattentive. I did like three main things:

1. The invocation: This was the longest prayer I have ever heard. Usually long prayers distract me, and I stop paying attention. They also make me think of the pharisees Jesus spoke about in the Bible. But this prayer was different - sure, I drifted after a few minutes, but when it continued still longer, my attention drew back to it. The pastor was intent, not on using big words for his own glory, but of getting out everything that was on his heart. I don't know if this is usual practice with him, but I felt comforted - this was an honest prayer, a serious prayer, and something he wanted to share with the rest of us.

2. The sermon: Although I took notes, I don't think the sermon specifically "spoke" to me or thrilled me. But the Scherlings told me how this pastor was exegetical - in that he chose a book of the Bible or a passage of scripture and pulled his thoughts from that. So we were learning out of I Kings, and I was thrilled that he could pull out so many applicable points out of what I usually think of an abstract, or at least historic, text.

3. Communion: On the way to church, I learned that the Scherlings had only experienced communion once since they had moved to Philadelphia, and I was honored that I got to experience it as well. It appears, like many large churches, they do it quarterly, or tri-annually. They passed out the bread and wine, but we waited to partake of it until everyone had some. Then, in a liturgical fashion, the pastor said, "Christ's body - broken for us." This manner spoke to me - helped me contemplate on communion and remember what it was for. It was "higher" than UCC - where I've been going the past few years, and yet not even as liturgical as the church I grew up in (we kneel and say a specific prayer). Best of all, the pastor read from the Bible - that's it. Straight out the words of the Bible.


The Italian Market ****

What can I say? This wasn't on my list of things to see, but down I went with the Scherlings on Sunday after church. First they found a little Italian shop and went to buy supplies for ravioli for dinner. It was the kind of shop where fresh bread was sitting out, where chesse came in huge wheels, and where you point at something and they prepare it and wrap it for you. They bought mozzarella nuts - sticks of mozzarella cheese tied into knots and then soaked in a garlicy sauce. Mine had a hair in it...but as soon as that was out of sight, I was able to eat it with minimal gagging. Seriously - it was quite delicious! We walked up and down the streets - there was a little festival going on in a little church courtyard. There were street vendors of fresh fruit (prices comparable to grocery stores), fish, and souveniers. Between the loveliness of the day, the reasonable prices, and the uniqueness of the experience, I consider this market well-worth a visit to.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Philly Cheesesteak

Okay, so now for my analysis of the food I ate while in Philly. There was some home-cooking, courtesy of the Scherlings. But I am proud to say I never ate at a big "chain" restauarant.
*****
My first night in Philly, my friends escorted me to a local pizza place. Even after coaching from Anna, I cannot remember the name. We ordered a "Philly Cheesesteak Pizza." It was fabulous. The bread tasted like authentic Italian bread, not so much like pizza. The flavors were strong but not overpowering, and the selections on the menu were broad. Likewise our waiter, whom the Scherlings said they had met before, was very outgoing and personable. I should not be upset to try this place again - perhaps trying a more traditional pizza selection.


Pat's ****
Apparently there are two places in Philadelphia to go to get the famous cheesesteak, and they are both across the street from each other. Pat's is one of them. Ian and Anna took me here after wandering through an Italian outdoor market in the same area. I liked the manner of ordering - somewhat intimidating signs are posted to walk people through the process. The line was long but fast moving. People were expected to walk right up and say, "Cheesesteak without, provolone." The "with" "without" implies whether the customer wants onions or not. We ate standing outside, lined up along the building. As far as the cheesesteak itself went, it was superb. The bread was very good, complementing the steak and cheese. I would have liked to try the competitor across the street, but Pat's was a wonderful experience.

City Tavern ****1/2
Hands down, City Tavern was my favorite experience in Philadelphia - both as a food establishment or tourist attraction. I was seated on the back deck with a view to the gardens behind the building. Waiters and waitresses walked back and forth dressed in colonial outfits, and the tarp of a small pavillion wavers in the wind. All the dishes offered are authentic colonial dishes, and I select Martha Washington's Turkey Pot Pie. While waiting for my meal, they brought me authentic colonial breads - an assortment of three types. Overall, the food was not the best I've had, but taking in the price, quantity, and atmosphere, I would recommend City Tavern to anyone who goes to Philadelphia.

Caribou Cafe **1/2
We went to this Cafe our last night. I suppose I'm a little biased in general - I'm not really a French food-type person. I had trouble navigating the French menu, but ordered duck. It's kind of hard to go wrong with duck, but something about the sauce didn't quite please me. There was a beer-type flavor about it. We ordered desserts, and split those: apple torte, butterscotch bread pudding, and a chocolate crepe. Hands down, the bread pudding was the favorite dish. I don't usually care for butterscotch, but this had a buttery, vanilla type flavor. The atmosphere was probably the best part of the cafe - we were seated slightly inside the restauarant with an open view of the sidewalk cafe. It was a nice night, and the naturally dimming light aided the ambiance.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Philadelphia, PA

This weekend I had the opportunity to visit two states I had never been to, as well as a couple I had not seen for five months. After a luxurious night aboard the something something boat in Chicago, IL, I flew to Philadelphia, PA. The city of brotherly love. And, it seemed to me, the people in Philly really do love you - they are some of the most amiable people I have ever met.

It is my intention now to post about this trip in many parts - how ever many it takes. I'd like to give my general ideas on the city, the food, and the "attractions."

For my part, the biggest attraction came "AS IS" or in the form of Anna and Ian Scherling - good friends from college and church who were so kind as to keep me in their house for all but a five-hour night (the last). And, though it may sound sad to others, I believe that the greatest part of this trip was the bonding and fellowship I had with both of them over the course of four-ish days.

But there's more - Philadelphia is a lovely city. As we flew over, I noticed that the roads were splayed out in interesting patterns. Not the grids of the midwest. Everything was new and shiny - and yet there was also quite a bit of old and abandoned. I suppose the whole city is like that. There's Olde Town, where all the historic sites are, mixed with some of the newest, shiniest, most sparklingest skyscrapers I've ever seen.

Ian, a landscape architect, took great pleasure in pointing out that "this square" or "that alcove" had been designed by the firm he was interning with. True enough, the city is full of little parks and alcoves. There are cemetaries in Olde Town, and there are statues of modern art everywhere (most famously "LOVE Park").

There are also a lot of homeless people - which is a kind of "well duh" in a big city, but I did observe them for two reason - one is that there really did seem to be more of them even than in Chicago. I would like to (and I will update you if I do) find the statistics on per capita homeless in Philly...it felt high, and I would be saddened if it was "not high." Because that would mean situations are worse elsewhere. My dad said some cities are better at "hiding" it, and this may be the case. Or the lovely weather meant that less chose to stay in shelters. The other thing I noticed, though, was that less seemed to be the rambling, staring-into-the-distance, slightly spooky "crazies" that I had encountered in Chicago. I would not be afraid to look most of them in the eye, or to approach one to give a donation - as my two companions both did quite freely.

I felt very peaceful in Philadelphia - I always knew I would love the city, although the Dr. Pepper disappointed (not in and of itself disappointing, but because I had expected some magical concoction, much like the elixer experienced four years ago when my sister and I had passed through on our way to Spain) - but then again, it is easy to be in love with any place when the weather's so lovely and there's green everywhere.

Somewhere in the last three paragraphs I lost my train of thought, and so I appologize for that loss - it is now gone for good. However, I am going to draw to a close with my intention to post over the next few days a sort of "critic's" view of the city - rating eating establishments and attractions in a way that, I hope, displays a little less of my own opinion and more of a combination of opinion plus facts that other travellers might observe. I shall also include photographs. I hope this does not weary any potential readers.

Monday, May 26, 2008

In Memorial

So today is Memorial Day, and I watch friends and acquaintances make plans to visit their departed loved ones at graveyards - taking flowers. Interestingly, we've never celebrated Memorial Day in our family, really, except with a barbeque. Once I helped the Vets set up flags in the local graveyard.

The reason we don't usually celebrate is because there aren't many departed loved ones in our family (3), and they aren't housed in graveyards. But just because we can't take a bouquet of flowers to a grave doesn't mean we can't take time out to remember our loved ones who have departed.

I've only been to two funerals in my life, and I would say that there have only been three deaths of "close" relatives - my grandpa, my aunt, and my uncle.

It's my uncle I'd like to write about today, for he was almost as close as a parent to me.

Gary Dallas Giltner, 1952-1998

My uncle, eldest of four boys, was born with health problems - mostly in his kidneys. The doctors never expected him to live past the age of five. But he survived, unhealthy though he was. Growing up was hard - his parents got divorced when he was ten, there was never much money. What money there was had to go toward doctor bills for him and his new stepbrother, who struggled with drugs.

You know, it's kind of sad, I don't know a lot about Gary's past. I don't know if he went to college or completed courses. I know he married, but she left him. I don't know what jobs he held before we came to know him.

I guess a lot of his life was defined by his sickness. My dad and grandpa each donated a kidney to him at one point or another.

When I was little, he got into a horrible car wreck in Colorado - a semi-truck ran a stop sign and smashed him into his car. It was a miracle he survived, but to add to his medical misery, he was forced to walk with a limp and a cane. I am sure that after that he never worked in the public sector.

Instead he devoted his time to children. From the age of six to fourteen my uncle babysat (or "kidsat") my sister and me during the summer. He would take us out to breakfast and to parks and musuems and to the zoo. We'd get ice cream at least once a week. And he was so much fun!

He also spent a lot of time volunteering with the Boy Scouts. I don't think he officially ran a troop (or pack), but he designed an obstacle course at Towakanie and helped out with day camp. One year I attended Boy Scout Camp with him...they put me in the "girls and little kids" group where we watched movies and essentially stayed out of the way.

I don't remember if there were warning signs at the end - I don't remember what happened. He was in the hospital, but there was no reason for me to think he wouldn't come out. We figured it out eventually, and my grandparents came down.

My sister thinks that it's our fault - or hers. We grew up. He knew he could go, because we were old enough to take care of ourselves.

I just say he's in a better place - I've met very few people who struggled against sickness for 46 years straight, let alone those able to keep a smile on their faces.

Anyway - I just feel that today I need to remember my Favorite Uncle. It's been almost 10 years now, and one day I'll find that I've lived more of my life without him than with him. But the truth is - eight straight years of constant care and attention - he had an effect on me. He taught me. He shaped me. There is absolutely no way to remember my childhood without him in it.

I wish more people could have gotten to know him. I wish more of my friends had. I wish he could have stayed longer. But the people who did know him, the people he helped, will never forget him.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Soundtrack of My Life

So I got to see the new Narnia movie yesterday. I had always loved the first one. SO MUCH! "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" had always been one of my favorite books - the idea of walking through a wardrobe into a new land! And, of course, as I grew I appreciated the symbolism of it.

That's not the point.

This movie had one of my favorite soundtracks ever! (Oddly enough, seeing as how I have not purchased it...) It complemented the magic wonderfully.

So yesterday when I saw Prince Caspian I went with a fear - what happens if they change the composer? They did in the Harry Potter series. What if the same composer chooses different themes that I don't like? What if they never play the good stuff?

I didn't have to worry. See, that's the beauty of movie soundtracks. The themes subtley keep you in tune with the motiffe of the scene. The music swells and ebbs with the drama. Themes develop characters personalities, and they clue you in to major events.

I've been watching lost, and I notice the shrieky music when something ominous happens, even if the characters don't realize that it's ominous.

Soundtracks are so important to me, often times my judgment of a movie is emotionally based on enjoying the soundtrack while, looking back, the plot may not have been that good. I loved the recent movie 10,000 B.C. because it had a wonderfully dramatic soundtrack based on a simple theme.

In fact, old movies with no sound would have a player piano develop the "soundtrack" to go along with the action. And really, I personally think I could have just as much fun watching movies if there was a soundtrack but no speaking. (I qualify that, of course. Even silent movies shot up screens to show what the actors were thinking or saying).

So, in short - I love music!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Going Green

So I have a bone to pick with society. It's probably the same bone people have been picking on for ages...in fact, it's probably less a bone now than a fossil, and we're chipping away the rock around the edges. Either way - it kind of boils down to common sense.

The "Green Movement" seemed to hit hard recently. Don't get me wrong - it's been coming a long time, what with the oil crisis. But usually it tends to fluctuate - to come and go. It was "in" in the '70's. I learned about it in school in the '90's. And now it's back.

This is where the bone comes in. My environmental stance has never actually been something I'd brag about. And yet, I love the outdoors. My dad tells me from experience that America is cleaner and more beautiful than it was in the '70's, mostly because of movements that have not only slowed the pollution but have cleaned up the damage that was already done. I like national parks as well as city parks. I don't go to zoos very much anymore, but sometimes I sit in amazement at animals. In short - I love God's creation.

But the sudden onslaught of the Green movement confuses me. In my mind, it feels like it hit in December. Going through the longest, coldest winter of my life, I remember nonstop talk about "Global Warming."

Now we're into summer, and gas prices are on everyone's mind. They're on my mind for sure. For instance - I may get a raise soon, but the way things are going, that raise will barely cover the increased prices of gas for my commute. I know a guy who spends the equivalent of a month's rent on his montly commute (granted - he drives over an hour each way, which is neither something I recommend nor something I see as common).

So that's what my bone is - I don't have a problem with the Green Movement. In fact, as a business major, I tend to think very logically and financially about the whole thing - you know, preserve your resources and all. But there are things we could improve.

1) Paper.
At some point "going green" included not wasting paper. I've heard all the statistics about how much trash we use. However, one friend made a strking comment one day, and I really have to agree - "Doesn't matter how much paper we waste. It's a renewable resource. We can always grow more trees." Even though he's absolutely right (did you know there are actually more trees in America now than there were at the beginning of the century, and that laws are working well to keep the lumber industry repleneshing the resources it takes away) I'm really not advocating wastefulness.

What I'm advocating is recycling! You know, it doesn't matter how much paper you "waste" if you recycle what you do use. In the pharmacy and accounting firm I work for, there are a lot of sensitive documents that need to be shredded. Those shredded documents go straight to the paper mill to be recycled. Without paying anything extra for any extra service, these institutions can recycle basically all the paper they use if they try.

Also, places that harp on 'going green' and cutting down on usage often don't offer the bins to recycle other materials like plastic and aluminum. At my house the last few years I asked people to recycle - to save cardboard, aluminum, and plastic. It was a bit of a hassle to go to the recycling place every few weeks. But I also noticed the actual amount of trash we use decrease drastically. The same was the case in the pharmacy I worked for - the majority of our trash was plastic bottles and paper. When we started recycling both these items, it cut our daily chores down, as well as the amount of trash we created.

2) Gas
First of all, as a consumer, I believe there is more we can do, or could have been doing, to lower gas prices. Along with exploring other sources of energy, we could have been building more refineries to keep up with the demand, and increasing our total oil supplies by drilling in "new" places (I dare not say where - the topic seems so touchy). Simply - we are paying for our inability to change.

And I mean that in several ways. Gas has been steadily getting higher for years now. The high prices are something we may have to get used to. But what have we, as a mainstream, really been doing to work on our consumption? Public transportation - it's not always practical, and it doesn't really work in smaller cities. But what about people who have access to it but don't use it?

And walking? Americans are fat, too, so we could kill two birds with one stone. If I had a wagon or "stolen" shopping cart, I would have no problem actually walking to the store to do my grocery shopping. Unless I have more than two miles to go, I really hate to drive any more in a day than my already too-long commute. I'm not saving that much gas - but I am developing healthy habits.

You can cut down on traffic, exercise, and save gas money by exploring options other than driving.

Also, Green companies should focus on implementing telecommuting and four-day work weeks. When I was in business school, the books implied that this was going to be the new norm. Instead, I find that it rarely pans out in the real world. I admit, most of my work I have to do at the client. However, there are days when I go to the office and work on my computer that I really could be staying at home. (And I actually do get a lot done at home - maybe even more than at the office). Likewise, if I worked four days at the client, I'm sure I could pack myself up enough homework to, say, stay home on Wednesday or Friday. Not a day off, but a work-from-home day. And if we worked four 10-hour days we'd get just as much done and have the possibility of avoiding morning and evening rush hour.

3) Air Conditioning
This is a pet peeve mostly because I'm a girl. We girls have it hard. Look at this comparison we braistormed today:

Girls have estrogen, which makes them cold. Their clothes tend to be lighter and cover less of their bodies.

Men have testosterone, which makes them warm. Their clothes are heavier - long sleeved cotton shirts and slacks. They also have a higher risk for high blood pressure - which can cause them to be warm.

No matter where you go, the temperature of the room will lean towards a guy vs. girl argument.

That said, I think that so-called "green" companies could cut down on costs as well as wastefulness if they would turn the air conditioning up. I'm not advocating turning it off. But I'm saying that inside, especially with air circulation of some sorts, it's not unreasonable to leave the thermostat at 80, or even a cool 78.

If I could, I'd set my thermostat at a 75 or 77 year round. That's a good temperature for me. Of course, that wastes heat in the winter, so I add a layer and suffer at 70-ish (yay for me - my new house and loft really retains the heat, so we'll probably kick it down even lower this winter).

However, companies tend to set it at a straight 68 and leave it. You know, I've never done the studies, but I was always under the impression that air conditioning was less energy efficient and more costly than heating. Perhaps it's not. However, I'm proud to say that, despite my sauna upstairs, we're going to really try to make it to June (and hopefully past) without air conditioning in our house. I also plan to leave the thermostat high (82?) when we do cave, as well as creating breezes with open windows, and sleeping downstairs on the couch when I have to.

So that's my rant. I just wish people would put their money where their mouths are when it comes to being green. Essentially - "Help me help you!"

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Goals

Allrightee...In line with what my friends Anna and Vanessa have been doing, I have decided to post some goals for 2008. Each girl picked 28 goals, and I couldn't come up with that many. I'm not sure if there's a magic reason for 28, but I picked 14 because it's half of 28, and I've only got half of 2008 to work with.

1. Adopt a child (like, in Africa - Food for the Hungry?)
2. Volunteer at MCFAA - not sure what the letters stand for exactly, but it's an organization that helps families with foster kids. As far as my status on this - I am already signed up to make goodies for their party at the end of May
3. Get involved at church - Join a LifeGroup
4. Get involved at church - Help out at Sunday School - I'm on standby
5. Get involved at church - Join the worship team
6. Host a wine and cheese party (or bubbly and cheese) - this requires having friends who can/will come.
7. Read a book on legalism
8. Renew my Marriott Platinum membership - 14 nights to go!
9. Cut back coffee to twice a week, and cut back pop as well
10. Write letters to friends estranged by distance
11. Write a book - amidst many book ideas right now. The goal is to finish one.
12. Find a new spiritual mentor
13. Give my "problems" to God
14. Read a book on "Anabaptists"

Well - I am on my way for a few of these, and maybe my friends can keep me accountable for some of the others. Most of them require continual work of sorts.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Untouchables

The church I've been going to has been doing this thing recently where it focuses on missions. It has the feel...not so much of a church service...but of a "special" where you go at night and the missionary comes and talks about his accomplishments. But when done on Sunday morning, it can reach so many more people!

I'm not complaining - just stating that it's a little unusual. Actually, I've been hearing a lot recently, and I'm really really trying to figure outwhere that's taking me. I mean, how should I respond? Money? Prayers? Those are the two most practical ways. And I don't feel called to the mission field itself. Yet. But the messages keep coming.

So today they talked about a few things that really caught my attention. The first was child trafficking and abuse. I suppose I had kind of forgotten how bad things were - even in America. They mentioned statistics - one country alone is estimated to have 800,000 girls under the age of 18 working as forced prostitutes. Just one country. I was struck by the sin of the world!

The truth is, it feels like these problems have been around for all of time. But just because these countries aren't specifically "Christian" countries, doesn't mean that bringing the Gospel to them will just solve things overnight. Look at America. It began to feel like an unsolvable problem. Like playing "whack-a-head" or whatever the carnival game is. Imagine reaching one country and ridding it of child trafficking, only to turn around and discover that the problem has doubled in 12 other countries, including your own.

Another mission area they mentioned was India - a place where there is a rigorous caste system. I don't know if it is imposed by the government (like the Apartheid in South Africa) or just socially accpetable. This was hard to wrap my mind around at first - a group of people so low on the caste system, they were called "untouchables." It warmed my heart to see the preacher put his arm around one of these "untouchables" as they spoke on the stage. How can people so blatantly force a way of life upon others? How can you judge based on circumstances uncer your control?

But then again, how can you judge at all. In America we have some untouchables, too. The terminally ill, the elderly, the crazy. This is something I struggle with so much - the elderly. I flee from them. I try not to draw close to them. It's like they have a disease I can catch. But I've already caught it. It's called age. We have poor - generations of poor - who never leave the slums that they were raised in. Is this society imposed? Government imposed? We would like to think not. So then, how can we help?

So here I am, carrying on the banner that was passed to me at church today, desperately trying to figure out what I am going to do, what I am called to do to respond to these needs. And there are so many others. There are so many good and worthy causes out there - which one do you choose? Water for impoverished area? Education? Food? Adoption? Which will have the most lasting impact? Which is the most pressing?

My final thought is this - Jesus said, "The harvest is plenty but the workers are few." If every Christian gave themselves 100% to missions - to helping the world in whatever way they could - it would make a difference! A huge difference! It already is making a difference, but just imagine! You could rid that country of child prostitution as well as bring water to it. And more than that, people would see your love and respond. And there is something we all can do - we just have to find what it is!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

A Tribute to my Mother

Somehow the readership of my blog has increased 300% overnight. While I don't expect that kind of attention on a regular basis, it has certainly increased my concern about creating a quality blog. I don't attempt to do that tonight - in fact, I have suddenly become overwhelmed with sub-par blog ideas.

But I do want to take some time out and acknowledge some special people in my life, and since this month, nay, this Sunday is Mother's Day, that person that I shall honor today shall be my mother.

But how do I honor my mother? What can I proclaim to the world about how great she is?

Well...my mom doesn't get me. And I don't get her. And yet, I think it's kind of beautiful in a way. I mean, here she has this daughter - her own flesh and blood - and we look just alike. And yet she can't get into my head. I bet it drives her nuts. No, I know it does. She wonders where I came from.

But this is about her.

My mom is the most sacrificing perfect mother in the world. She's not perfect. But she's perfect as far as mothers go. Everything she does is aimed at pleasing her husband and kids. Not that we were spoiled. But she's the mother that remembers our interest and what's going on in our lives. She lets us call and pour our souls out to her for hours on end. She comforts us when we're sad. She disciplines us when we're bad. She takes care of us. And, yes, I suppose sometimes she does spoil us.

Mom was always the one we went to for fun as a kid. She was the one we could count on to let us read books at dinner, buy us ice cream occasionally, and permit us to make cookies whenever we wanted to (we were all a bit chubbier in high school).

So I guess that's the short of it - my little tribute to my mom - she gives so much to our happiness, asks so little, and she would give so much if asked to. So, Happy Mother's Day, mom! You're the best!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Kansas vs. KXYZ

Today, while listening to the morning show on the way to work, I heard an interesting, although not surprising fact: Kansas is one of the cheapest places to visit. (Believe me, after Chicago, I even go to restauarants and stared at the menus in delighted awe). "Ah, yes!" I gave myself a mental pat on the back.

However, moments later, my state pride turned to horror as the announcers continued. There were two men, both from Missouri, and a woman from Kansas. "Yeah, too bad your state ends at Lawrence!" One told her.

To my utter shock, she agreed! They all went further saying, "Have you seen those Kansas advertisements, too? They advertise places like the Flint Hills! Come see a big field? What's up with that? Visit Salina! You know what's worst? They put Wichita on there! It's like one big giant trailor park!"

Okay...it ends here. Right now! I have been a Kansan all my life and, unlike the female announcer, I have a little bit of state pride. And that means the entire state.

Recently I had to compile a top ten list of things to do in Kansas for a curious friend. You know what was on that list? The top item was Konza Prairie - the most beautiful nature walk in the Flint Hills - conveniently located in Manhattan! (Likewise, I believe a KSU football game was on the list - if the team's not winning, at least the atmosphere's great!)

I also put Abilene, the salt mines of Huchinson, Dodge City, and, yes, something I'm sure in the Kansas City area.

The truth is, Kansas has a lot of great places to visit, and city slickers who grew up in Johnson county probably couldn't understand. So I'll make it simple.

People don't come to Kansas for the racetrack or the plaza. Sure - it's something to do while in Kansas city. But Kansas City draws Kansans! That's right - people already in the state! Or Nebraskans, or Missouri...ans...not real tourists. Can you really imagine someone from Chicago, Washington D.C., New York, or San Fransisco coming to Kansas City and really being wowed by the racetrack? Seriously?

Now, I'm not saying they would be wowed by Dodge City, but I am saying that if a city slicker dared to venture into the Wild West (or central) areas of Kansas, he probably would be coming to see something akin to the Wild West - the outdoors, nature. Not a half-baked version of what he came from. Because, really, that's what Kansas City is!

Kansas city is similar to weapons in the Civil war. They had advanced weaponry, but no one had bothered to update the manner of actually fighting, causing more casualties. Likewise, Kansas City is a fairly large metro area. But it hasn't updated with the times. There's no public transportation, so there's always traffic jams. The people aren't even all that educated. And, frankly, I'm really searching here for quality things to do that my peers might actually find interesting.

It all boils down to not judging, really. I mean, your idea of a good place to be might be a city with lots of restaurants and shopping. But if that's what you want, then Kansas City doesn't nearly stack up to other major cities around the country. I, however, am interested in history and culture. I am interested in learning about the history and culture that Kansas City has to offer.

But don't knock Kansas! We've got you beat on history, culture, and panoramic views any day of the week!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Inspiration!

So I've just been reading my friend Anna's post and it inspired me in so many ways. First, I was inspired to just give an update on my life - nothing philosophical for once. Second, she posted goals for 2008 - I should make goals. Third, she posted things she was thankful for - I will compose a list! And finally: I've been worried that sometimes my blog gets a little whiny or soapboxy but, typical Anna, she can very tastefully compose a blog that explains her feelings or stance on a subject while still being a very positive person. And that's essentially what I want to convey - even if I'm commenting on societal practices that I don't necessarily approve of.

Anyway, here's the update on my life:

On April 6 I said a not-really-teary goodbye to all my friends/coworkers in my temporarily adopted city of Chicago and flew back to Kansas City to start my life as an auditor for KPMG. I say this because it truly felt like I had somehow been on a 7-month internship in Chicago (with a side-trip to Detroit and Nebraska), and was now starting my real full-time job in Kansas City.

I took a week of vacation to go home and pack. This didn't take as long as I had anticipated (nor did the unpacking bit). It's easy to decorate a house when you have no skill for it - you just do it, you don't think about it.

Friday I closed on a condo in Shawnee, and we moved in during cold weather. I had friends help with the moving boxes bit, but within an hour it was down to, "Where does Sarah want this?" And that was all up to me. We discovered early on that the house is, if nothing else, well-insulated. With the temperature set around 63, my room upstairs was cozy!

Kristen moved in last weekend, we had a huge fight, and now I am ready for her to move out again. No, I jest. We're getting along just as great as ever, except maybe we squabble over where to go on walks...

My job is a little more complicated of a story. I worked for two weeks (7 days really) on a pharmaceutical company that was going public. Coming into the job, I was sure it was going to fulfill my dream of becoming a pharmaceutical "guru" auditor which included a side-trip to Ireland.

Instead, it involved another first-year associate who started with me but had more experience on the job. Thus it was two-weeks of pure lack of self-confidence and dread fear that I would lose this client! Which eventually I did. Due to the lack of work to be done, I was pulled of to my new client, while the "princess" stayed on. (Disclaimer - I actually like the girl I worked with - she's great to be around and I am glad she's one of my coworkers in the office...I just wish we could trade clients!)

Another unfortunate event during those two weeks was the "opportunity" to work on a client in Springfield, Missouri. Don't get me wrong - I am rearing to go travelling again! Apparently my exhaustion in Chicago was just from work, and after a week of vacation and one day at work, I found the idea of travel very pleasant indeed! Unfortunately this client is governmental - the City of Springfield.

For non-accountants, let me tell you - governments use a different method of accounting, developed under the theory that there is not supposed to be a profit, so numbers like "income" don't really work. However, as I have no interest in governmental accounting (I actually find it a little suspicious and am wary of those who would say it is useful in any circumstance) I see the "opportunity" to work on a government client only as 5-weeks completely lost out of my life. Five more weeks that I will feel "behind" those in my start class. Five weeks I could have been working on a real client and learning real GAAP.

I also strongly say this: I completely ignored little accounting firms in wonderful cities like Wichita and Manhattan because, although I have no interest in Kansas City as a place, I did NOT want to work on municipalities. So guess where I'm going?

That's later this fall. But for now I'm working on a life insurance company. Another sector that I don't really have a desire to learn a lot about. The company seems nice: we're in a huge marble atrium with statues and benches and artwork on the wall. Essentially they threw cubicles in what used to be the lobby of a great big bank. Also, my senior likes to work from 7 - 4 and eat lunch in. FINALLY - common sense! While this arrangement doesn't actually mean I miss much traffic (apparently 4:00 is the new 5:00 when it comes to getting off work), at least my 30 minute commute gets me home at 4:30 rather than later. And I'm developing the habit of getting up early, so sleeping in is now 6:15, and I think my mornings (not to mention days) will be a lot more productive, even when I move back to 8 and 8:30 clients.

That's the last bit of the emotional roller-coaster. As much as I like the setup of the client, my lifelong pursuit of learning is being hampered a bit by the life insurance industry it's in. Likewise, although I have the city of Springfield lined up, they tell me this job is a year-round job. Which means if I stay out here too long, it could be the last client I see for a long time. HELP! (This actually makes Springfield a bit of a good deal...)

It all boils down to needing my mommy...or in this case, my performance manager. Reviews are coming up, and I'm going to ask her exactly how one pursues her intellectual and career goals when the market is scarce and the clientele does not actually make anything.

Yes, boring accounting stuff, I know. However, perhaps I can get some good pictures of my house...now I'm off to a Bachathon! There are actually people in Kansas City who also recognize Bach as the greatest composer ever! They have devoted 5 hours today to celebrate him! How can I pass up an opportunity like that?

Hark! Kristen is looking for me, and I must go.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I'm So Tired of This All

Well, it's been a while - mostly because I've been busy moving into my new house and to KC and all. But also, when I think about blogging I just want to update older blogs I've written.

Either way, I finally was frustrated enough today to sit down and make myself heard! It's about all these churches out there, and how they get so pushy about bringing people to them.

See, churches are a little like businesses I suppose. They can either grow by expanding their market (converting people to Christianity) or by increasing their market share (getting current Christians to jump ship and come to their church). Now, getting converts is amazing! It's what we're supposed to be doing anyway! Going out into the world and spreading the Gospel!

Church jumping...well, that's a little grayer. A Catholic friend of mine's been pushing Catholicism on me. He gave me a book about people who converted to Catholicism - mostly from Presbyterian faiths - and each person says the exact same thing, "Protestants think they can just jump around from church to church depending on whether they feel comfortable or not."

Now, don't get me wrong - those are challenging words. But it's also a little ironic that they come from people who have just jumped churches! I suppose for me, the difference between Catholics and Protestants are that...well, Protestants aren't Catholics. I kind of lump all churches into this "Christianity" category. I know it's crazy of me to think that we all share something because we believe in Jesus Christ. And then you can break churches down by denominations (Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist), but as far as I'm concerned, jumping from Presbyterian to Catholic is still jumping.

And challenging as the words are, I think there are very good reasons to "jump faiths." God may be calling you. You may have reached a point in your spiritual journey where you just cannot accept how people in your denomination are interpreting the Bible. You may have moved. And, really, I think whether converting compeltely to Christianity or "finding" your home church, this kind of passionate, prayerful decision-making leads to a spiritual revival within the soul. One might almost say that jumping churches is a good thing - it causes us to grow. Stand up to ourselves and our beliefs. And stand up to God.

Either way, that's not my issue today. My issue still lies with these churches wanting to expand. I really do want to figure out what's going on here. Sometimes I think that churches are just after a body count - they want as many people attending as possible. And body counts help - a big church can offer more avenues to worship: contemporary and traditional worship services, Bible studies for teens, parents, and seniors. They probably have a bigger budget - to buy worship equipment, sponsor retreats, and send kids to summer camps.

But all of that seems meaningless when compared to the purpose of the church. Now, I'm actually not sure what that purpose is. It's another thing I've been searching for. But I think filling up thirsty people is one of them.

When I moved in, my dad "sold" me to one of our churches in Olathe. He got a guy to help move, and as "thank you" I was expected to attend the church. The problem was, I already had a church in Kansas City. Going to the new church would only be a waste of time, really - I wasn't going to come back. The problem was, the guy, while not insistent, was overeager to drop off the information. I found myself a little taken aback - did neither of them hear what I was saying? I had a church? I'm Christian. Why do they think I need to be their kind of Christian?

There's nothing wrong with their church. I did end up going today. As I was leaving, two people tried to stop me and make me feel "welcome," and I suppose for this I give them kudos - when someone comes to your church, you have no idea why they're there, or what they need.

But what gets to me is that I have seen this pattern over and over again. "Oh, have you found a church yet?" "Yes, yes I have. " "Ah, really? Well you should try such and such church...we're having a potluck on Sunday." (by the way, I was super excited to see the phrase "such and such" and "so and so" in the Bible! II Samuel!)

You may as well not respond. When I think about it, I think we, as Christians, are stuck. There are so many people searching for Christ in the world, but we don't know how to get to them because we don't understand what they're going through. I know I sure don't. We've grown up in a church environment, so the easiest thing to do is to talk people into going to your church.

And some people are very well meaning - if they really think that Presbyterians won't be saved but Baptists will or something...I can see them being desperate to save the souls of all those not going to their church. However, I remember how Jesus is the Way to the Father. No one comes to the Father except through Him. It didn't mention a denomination now that I think about it...

I just wish we could all get along! We fill such nice niches. We reach people in different, unique ways. I think God has taken what may have been unfortunate, the splitting up of the church, and turned it into something He can use - lines of ministry that can reach anybody anywhere - with thousands of spiritual gifts to offer. I just wish we could stop turning on ourselves!

Next time you ask someone if they have a church, and they say "Yes," stop and ask them about it! I'm sure they'd love to talk about what they're learning and doing. And who knows, maybe there will be something missing in their spiritual life. Something your church can fill.

Then again, maybe their church can fill you up.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Joyful Joyful

Today at church the pastor was talking about songs with powerful lyrics - well, just one. But I thought - what a great sermon series! I've already "blogged" on a few, and I'm ready to add another to my list.

First of all - a type of aside - I do like David Crowder's not so latest song, "Foreverandeveretc..." I don't always like David Crowder songs - mostly it's his voice. But he's finally picked a song that suits him perfectly - it's a little goofy. But besides being goofy, I like the lyrics, "I'm finding everything I'll ever need. I'm finally giving up being everything. I'm falling for you for eternity. Right here at your feet where I want to be." I think we could all remind ourselves of that every now and then. We've got all we'll ever need.

But the powerful song I'm thinking of was sung at Easter a few weeks ago, "Ode to Joy." By Beethoven. I asked a friend once if he thought Beethoven would like our style - he said definately no. Still, I like to think we've jazzed it up a bit, personalized what was already a great song/hymn.

It's the lyrics, ultimately, that are powerful, though.

"Joyful, joyful we adore Thee God of glory, Lord of love. Hearts unfold like flowers before thee opening to the sun above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness drive the dark of doubt away. Giver of immortal gladness fill us with the light of day."

I like the phrase "clouds of sin and sadness." First of all, it puts both together - right next to each other. Simple as it sounds, sin causes sadness, and both pull a cloud down over our lives. And, of course, God can melt those clouds - slowly but surely breaking through each one. What a little prayer to breathe! And it totally explains the joy of the first line!

Then there's the "drive the dark of doubt away." When I heard this, I first thought about self-doubt. Still on the sin and sadness page, I thought, "First God melts the clouds, then he drives away the dark. Leaving us with a sunny day..." But there's different kinds of doubts - like the doubt of God himself! Or how he is working in your life. God can drive those doubts away, too. Although, sometimes it's harder to see how, or what exactly he's doing for them.

I just love the mental picture, I suppose, of all this de-cloudifying and lightening in general of our souls.

"All thy works with joy surround thee. Earth and heaven reflect thy rays. Stars and angels sing around thee. Center of unbroken praise. Field and forest. Vale and mountain. Flowering meadow, flashing sea. Chanting bird and flowing fountain call us to rejoice in thee."

"Thou art giving and forgiving ever blessing ever blessed. Wellspring of the joy of living. Ocean depth of happy rest. Thou our Father, Christ our Brother, all who live in love are Thine. Teach us how to love each other. Lift us to the joy divine."

What another beautiful verse on the properties of God. Giving, fogiving, blessed...and the wellspring of the joy of living? That which causes our joy (not happiness), but joy - is so deep and flowing free. Like fresh, cool, water. (I suppose this was written in the spring or summer...)

So, maybe it's not so deep, but it spoke to me. At a time I was struggling myself with sin and sadness, this song painted a picture of joy and light. And peace - not explicitly mentioned, but the idea is in it. It essentially reminded me what being a Christian causes...joyful joyful...

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Perfection

I was reading a novel on Dracula (don't ask why, I barely know myself) and the vampire said something intriguing: "You can never perfect being good. But you can perfect being evil. Why not strive for perfection?"

The funny thing is, he was right. There is no way we can perfect being good. Not that I'm about to go "be all I can be" in the evil sense. But it got me thinking: there really aren't a lot of people out there who are perfectly evil. Like, diabolically evil - heartless...calloused...and able to make a difference.

I mean, you're average criminal is justifying his actions in his head, even as he commits a crime. "I need the money." "He deserved it." Pure evil? That's another category entirely, that's "Because I could."

Then, the average criminal may feel some remorse. It may be because he got caught and is going to jail. It may be that he was waving the gun around, but never meant for it to go off. It maybe be that he fully repents. Pure evil? Even in jail continues to plot and plan.

I mean, these are the people who want to take over the world - the power hungry, those who don't mind who they step on on the way. People who only use other people - who never love, never respect, never care for anyone else.

I used to read Sherlock Holmes, and he had a similar phrase that always got me thinking. His arch-nemesis was one of those evil people, but smart. And he always said, "I have wondered what my life would look like if I had used my powers for evil instead of good..."

Striking!

Holmes is one of my favorite characters, someone I want to be like. Someone I admire, and I, too, have wondered on this statement. The truth is, I get his point. I get Dracula's point. If I wanted to really make something of myself, I could do wrong. I could throw myself into a complicated scheme to give me power and money. It would be a challenge. It would be fun. And, for someone like me, going criminal is no small step. If I were going to do something - I would want to do it well.

However, something Greater than evil has always kept me from looking down that path. I've looked down the path to power and greatness - the conventional path by the way - and I haven't always liked what I see. Even if I get there through good means, it looks so lonely.

And you know, what, Dracula was completely right when he said that it was impossible to perfect goodness. For humans anyway. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying for. In fact, by his logic, being good is more of the challenge, and isn't that what people like him, and Holmes, and I have always been about?

Now, in here somewhere comes the spiel on Grace. But I've learned, as of late, that no matter how hard I believe it, I cannot say it - I say it all wrong, or people don't understand...it's very unfortunate, because it has such great implications. Perfect Saving Grace. And, it's also a challenge. It's a challenge to accept it and not try to repay God with something else. It's a challenge to understand...it's obviously a challenge to explain.

So, anyway, Dracula - thanks for the offer, but I like being perfectly imperfect. And besides, in the end, Good always trumps Evil.

Monday, March 17, 2008

V for Vendetta

Ah - a wonderful movie. Last year around this time I was home for Spring Break and Daniel said to me, "Have you not seen V for Vendetta yet? Oh, you will love it! It will be "our" movie!" So we drove down to Dillons and rented it, and he was right - it was very good.

To be sure, there was a not-so-subtle political agenda. However, it had great music, and it was a thinker. You know, those movies that make you think about life and philosophy and the world.

So a year later, I still think about it. I think my life is finally catching up to the movie.

I can't quite remember the song - but I know there were strings, dramatic strings, and a drum beat driving everything. Near the end of the movie, one of the detectives stops and sums everything up. He says he feels like everything's been building toward something, and it's about to erupt. While he speaks, pictures flash of events in the movie, including parts of the movie that are yet to come.

I feel like that's how my life is right now. My movie may have 15 minutes left, or it may still have an hour until the dramatic finish. I may be V who dies tragically, or I may be Natalie Portman's character, who lives to start a new world. Either way - I can hear the drums.

When I came to Chicago, I started looking back at a weird series of events that had led me here, and I feel I made the, erroneous, conclusion that I was supposed to live here. However, I wonder if this is still just one more step in the multitudes of steps I have to take. One more screenshot of a key event leading me to something.

It all started with an internship - or lack thereof, I suppose. For the first time in my 20 years, my spirit broke. And then, when I did get an internship - a puny little private accounting internship at Raytheon, I felt let down. There was no "Higher purpose" in it, no "open windows."

Years later, as I looked for a job, my interest in Austin narrowed down the field to two firms - and somehow I picked the one that wasn't for me. That firm led me to Chicago.

And now I feel as though I see the next stepping stone ahead of me. Like the detective in the movie who knew something was coming but couldn't quite pin down the time or place, I know that once again I'm being pulled.

What I see is my dream becoming a reality. I have the opportunity to audit a pharmaceutical client in Kansas City - which means I may be on the path I've always preferred - of becoming a "pharmaceutical guru."

It seems for us auditors that our professional development can be tied to doing an international rotation. Here the drums start again. Through inquiries, I have discovered that my pharmaceutical clients lie in England, Ireland - places that I could see, would love to see, and that, conveniently, speak my native tongue. Through Chicago I have met a contact in the Dublin office - he likes me well enough. Could he open the door to that opportunity?

The funny thing is, it's years away, and I could be jumping ahead of myself. The detective in the movie didn't "see" the scenes from the future that the audience did. He didn't have that ability. And neither can I see the future. But perhaps there are other ways a person can be pulled upon.

I don't have to go overseas to feel as though this drumbeat is real. The desire to - the decision to - the resolve to - it's enough. Circumstances may change. But feeling that it's something I need to do - that's a big step. And I don't feel like I would feel that way if I hadn't come to Chicago.

And so remains the final question - when does the 1812 Overture play?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Don't Hate Me...

So I was at church today in downtown Chicago, and it was one of those excellent sermons that speaks to you. I suppose that's the real beauty of church - when the Spirit moves in our lives, 300 people can hear the same message and feel like it was personalized to them.

But literally, this pastor spoke to me. He said the words, "To all you singles out there." Wow. You know, pastors don't do that a lot. Probably the biggest failing of my last church was its inability to cope with single people. There were married couples and families. And College kids, but somehow, their singleness was never addressed.

So this pastor had the courage to stand and address us as a group, and what he said somehow got through to me. I've heard almost the same words from books and my girl friends. But perhaps it was his courage to actually say it out loud to a large group of people. Or maybe it was because he was a guy, and so it was proof that guys struggle with, or at least see, this same side of life. Whatever it was, it convicted me.

He was speaking, of course, on how single people make it their ultimate goal in life to get married. They put their hope in marriage. Their self-worth in whether they get married or not. And ultimately - getting married becomes their god.

Now, we all have gods. In fact, the pastor made another interesting point. The commandment reads, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." God somehow knew it was inevitable that we, sinful humans, would find other things to worship. However, he wanted to be first in our hearts, and when he is first, those other "gods" melt away.

So back to being single.

See, marriage is a god-ordained union. He created it and supports it and even says that we are supposed to leave and start a family. In this same sermon, at another point (yes, it was that full of deep little inspiring tidbits) the pastor mentioned how, in the Jewish culture at Jesus' time, a person's self-worth was their family. That's all they were. I certainly know that women, from the beginning of time on, have been reliant on the men in their lives for self-worth.

So the pastor was saying that we need to find our self-worth in God, not in others. Not in marriage. Not in a guy (or girl). But God.

And yet, family is so important.

Which is what leads me to my controversial thought - maybe arranged marriages weren't so bad after all.

Think about it. Back in the day, parents would arrange marriages for their kids. In a perfect world, this would be done to ensure the kids' security and happiness. Often it was abused, as fathers "sold" their daughters to whatever suitor was the richest or best connected. Surely people fell in love - the Bible certainly had many instances when a man fell in love with a woman and pursued her and won her.

I've actually never been that opposed to the idea. I mean, the last thing anyone of us wants is to enter into a marriage that won't work. But if the marriage is forced - then you, too, are forced to make it work. Now, while the Jewish law allowed for a pretty easy divorce, Jesus taught against it, so that the Christian arranged marriage really was a lifelong union. And perhaps it was a lifetime of struggle and despair. But don't you think that, knowing there's no other option, if you were stuck in an unhappy, loveless marriage, you'd do everythig you could to change it?

In the end, perhaps I'm a bit of a romantic. Swayed by books like "Love Comes Softly" or "Pride and Prejudice." You know - make life easy. Find me a husband first. I'll get to know him later.

But take my bitterness out of this. If there really are thousands of sad, lonely singles out there, maybe something's gone wrong with our system? Arranged marriages worked for thousands of years, and now all of the sudden, when we have freedom to choose who to marry, people also seem to think they have the freedom to choose when to end the marriage.

God doesn't want marriage to be out idol. He wants to be the focus. And that's what struck me. Maybe if my father were to hand me a guy and say, "Congratulations, Sarah, we've set the wedding date for October 14th, does that work for you?" I feel as if I could focus more on other things. "Finding a guy" could be pigeonholed while I grow closer to God, work on my career, and try to smile at my arch-nemesis when she starts boring us all at work.

God was okay with that way of life for millenia. I don't really think he's "un-okay" with it. Like I said, especially when it's done in love. Would my dad pick the right guy for me? Maybe not, but I know he'd try.

So what's my point? That I'd like my parents to arrange my marriage? Actually, it's not. See, I realized that, even though I wasn't part of this movement, I came from it. There are 10 things in our lives that we cannot change, no matter how hard we try, and one of those is our "time in history." So I'm having trouble finding a guy on my own - there's a reason God didn't stick me back in the "marry whoever your father tells you to" age. And I have to trust Him in that.

For one, it really speaks to me about God's gift to us - the gift to choose. In a smaller way. I see that God's all about freedom. He gave us the choice to choose him or not. He gave us freedom from our sins. And now, indirectly, he's given me the freedom to make my own decisions when it comes to getting married. Freedom - but I have to follow him in it.

See, it is easy for "being married" to be an idol. And I don't know what giving that up to God looks like - because really, it's an emotion. It's so much "easier" to, say, give up drinking for God. But to give up an emotion? That's too abstract. Not concrete. And maybe it's our challenge.

I don't know where to go from here, but I do know that I want to change. More so, or at least as much as ever. And God and I will have to work that out, because, as the pastor pointed out, following Jesus means "total abandonment." Total. So I dont' know what God wants me to do or where my next step should be, but I do know that I should follow it without looking back - even if, no, especially if, it seems to lead me away from the idol I've been chasing for so long.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Al Capone's Speakeasie

A lazy drive through the country-like suburbs of Chicago leads you through narrow, twisting roads, sharp curves, and unbelievably steep hills. Driving through the woods, you alternately encounter mansions, growing as if not impeded by gravity or real estate bubbles, and little houses with pieces of junk dispersed throughout their yards, as if to warn away strangers with the macabre decorations. Danger lurks at every corner - literally. It is a jump across a bendy highway, with little visibility right or left, and a sharp turn and steep hill that leads you to the historic road that winds through the forest. A forest that is darkened, even in the normally bright evening sunlight. More sharp curves and another steep hill lead you to the water's edge - quite literally. I wonder how the residents travel in the winter - a little ice, and a car would go straight into the black river.
I see my destination but willingly pass it, choosing instead to continue on a few minutes in my smoky car, looking at the landscape as much as possible. While not white-knuckled, I am keenly aware of the turns in the road and how close my right wheels are to the embankment. After a few minutes I see no walking paths, no bridges. The river is uninviting. And yet, the leaf-less trees and winter sun seem to hide behind half-smiles, knowing, as I do, that it is truly a beautiful day. This fact is echoed with the songs of birds, unheard in my sound-proofed car, but a delightful addition to the spring evening.
At last I return to my destination, my little GPS lies quietly beside me - exhausted, I think, from the confusion of getting me here - too tired even to tell me to turn around when I've passed it up. The Hideaway, or speakeasie, blends in with the rest of the houses. Had I not been alertly searching for it, I would have never guessed it to be a restaurant. The alternating mansions and dumps cause a wariness, but the the mini-white Christmas lights peeking through the windows encourage me on.
Stepping out of my car, I feel as though I am literally stepping back to the 1930's - the days of the gangsters. The gravel driveway is soaked with water, un-sophisticated. I imagine ladies with fur coats and gentlemen with bowlers stepping on the same wet ground decades ago. The day is nice, so I take my time getting to the door. There is no window. I have no idea what to expect. For the next few minutes, every action is done timidly - unsure. Steeling myself, I open the door.
I am met by the sound of ragtime music, which continues to play for the duration of my visit, deepening the ambiance of the restaurant. I find myself in an empy hallway - an antique fridge to my right reminds me of my themed surroundings. To my left - another door, and ahead, mysterious stairs that I am not destined to ascend. Once again I resolve myself to follow the door to my left.
At last, the restaurant. It appears to be one room - well lit, with many windows lining the walls. However, later I discover a darker, secluded room in the back, also set up for dining, but perhaps where the heads of gangs used to meet to conduct secret meetings and create truces and pacts. I'm led to a little table, where I begin to read the menu. My waitress is young, nice, but I can't say I'm impressed with her black outfit - it doesn't serve as a blatant reminder of the era. She lets me read the menu, even after ordering - it speaks of the history of the speakeasie. Nothing I didn't know there.
Upon hearing that there is no Dr. Pepper, I order water, but later add on a "Bootlegger" martini, which I justify, thinking, 'How can one go to a speakeasie and not drink?'. I am rewarded with my choice with a quick question from the waitress, "Can I see your ID?" And with a satisfying flick, I am given more food for thought - on the contrary, it's the very height of legality for a 23 year old to have a drink. My drink is a concoction of chocolate and banana and reeks of strong alcohol. Unable to satisy my stomach's greedy desire for food, I am only able to take a very few sips of the otherwise pleasant tasting drink.
Of course, how can one sojourn to a restaurant without commenting on the food? My first course is a bowl of potato, cheese, and bacon soup. It tastes just like my family recipe, but I know it cannot be, as it is yellow with cheese and much thicker than my own attempts at the brew - attempts I would never try to force upon anyone not in my family. I am given a full portion of bread, perhaps my least favorite item of the night. It is covered with herbs and parmesan cheese and sits in a pool of olive oil for flavoring - all in all, a good idea, but the execution is somehow flawed.
My stomach is still yelling at me when the waitress brings the mid-course - a tiny lemon sherbert ice cream cone. I gladly take it from her and sit, content, licking it like a five year old.
The main course is the weeknight "special", a reasonably priced $17 prime rib and baked potato. When the waitress sets it in front of me, I realize that I am possibly in more danger than the gangsters of old, who used to gather here to break the law. My danger is less pressing, but just as real - nestled snugly in the potato is what may amount to a full stick of butter, and to my horror, I am unable to remove the cholesterol bearing weapon from the spud before it has melted into oblivion. But, just as Al Capone laughed at the possibility of going to jail for tax evasion, so I shrug off my impending heart disease and tuck in. The steak is delicious - not dressed with superfluous peppers and tastings as some restaurants are prone to do. In true Chicago style, my "medium-well" steak appears to be more of a "medium," and yet, I am not displeased. It seems the chefs here shake their heads with a "tut" when orders come in and err on the side of less-cooked, knowing that the patron will enjoy the steak better that way, whether they know it or not.
I had almost finished picking at my meal - not for lack of taste, but as my stomach was still questioning the strange things I was putting in it - when suddenly the ceiling erupted in a burst of water. Luckily, no patrons were wettened by this leak, and, had I had a comanion, this even may have provided a good laugh. As it was, those nearest the upside-down geyser were offered free coffee, as well as an explanation: someone had been doing maintenance upstairs, probably resulting in a less water-tight ceiling.
It is my belief that I tarried there an hour before heading home, listening to the jazz music. I remember hearing "When the Saints Go Marching In," an arrangement that seemed to bring out the harmony parts of the song and send my thoughts flying through time and space to various events: junior high choir, my trip to New Orleans, and visitations to another era that I had never even seen. However, that pesky stomach of mine was still crying at me to take it away from that place and take a walk. So, regretfully, all too soon I paid my bill, and walked out, through the darkened parking lot, to my car and the year 2008.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Characters

In talking to my friend the other day, I was stealing free advice from a KSU English Department graudate really. I hope she doesn't mind. :)

Anyway, we were talking about our common "passion" - writing. She made an excellent point - that, while we draw our characters from real life, they shouldn't be exactly like us. Sure enough, most of my main characters are - me - in disguise, and the villians, love interest, etc, all real.

So I thought I'd try a few exercises in characters - maybe drawing from real life, but "filling in the blanks in people's lives" or taking a "supporting character" and finding a "main story" for him or her.

Anyway, I'm thinking of randomly posting mini-bios on people I barely know. And we'll start with (name change, obviously) Tabetha.

On the outside, Tabetha isn't the kind of person you'd stop to examine deeply. She's just loud enough to be heard - with a middle-of-the-road personality that essentially ensures that 1/3 of the people she meets love her, hate her, or don't really think much about her.

Her past isn't surprising either. It fits into her present perfectly. She has left enough of it in her life to tip you off, without delving too deeply into it. If she told you she struggled with drinking and smoking pot as a teenager, you'd believer her. But you'd just as easily believe her when she told you she didn't do it anymore. That she found religion and it saved her from herself. But she doesn't "do that" anymore either.

You'll never get far talking to her. She has a plethora of mild interests, so discussions can be long and varied, but they leave you feeling a little - empty.

There is one thing intriguing about her, though. Her career choice. Accounting? She has none of those nerdy aspects. But she seems happy at her job. Knowledgable. Competent. How did that happen? I suppose one would have to ask, wouldn't he?

Like the rest of her, the story isn't that interesting. Born to a father who was a CPA - had his own private business. Her mother stayed at home with her and her sister. Her sister started it, really. She went to the best accounting school in the country and graduated with an MBA and a 3.8.

When it was Tabetha's turn, she just did the typical thing. Followed in her father and sister's footsteps. It was easier than trying to come up with a career on her own. So she went to college and graduated, parents at her side, smiling at the camera.

I hope this story hasn't been too boring, and yet, it exemplifies the accountant really. Poor Tabetha was more of one than she thought - stable, predictable, repetitive. And intriguing. You'll never really know where she'll go from here...

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Home

So I've found a home among my coworkers. In case anyone didn't know, I absolutely LOVE working in Chicago! And, as with any job, it's the coworkers who make the difference.

Anyway, I've been struck by something since about November - people I work with laugh at my jokes! (That's unusual, in case there was any question).

But I've finally figured it out!

I have found the smalles possible subset of personality type to equal mine.

Let me explain.

For those who major in accounting, there are two major career paths - public and private. If you choose private, you can go tax or audit. You also have to choose what firm to work for: Deloitte, KPMG, Price Waterhouse Coopers, or Ernst and Young. Or you could go with a smaller firm.

The result is a sort of flow chart or tree diagram, that splits up accounting into no less than 11 career paths - right out of college! Kansas City is unique, however, there is more splitting up, as within the firm you can choose what kind of industry to audit.

And with each break, a difference in personality. Differences are subtle to the outsider - we're all accountants after all.

Public accountants are professionals - they tend to be ambitious, glamorous, and young. How does that happen? Well, usually they jump ship to private accounting early on in their careers, although not before they had a chance to get a little boost.

In public accounting, there are tax and audit, and here comes probably the bigest difference in accounting strata. I can't describe tax as much, not being in it, except that they like routine. A tax friend of mine described it as becoming an expert in something. Tax accountants also get the opportunity to help people, and I'm assuming they like that.

Auditors describe their jobs as doing something different every day. They get to travel and work with people (although not always help them). They ask questions. A large part of their job is, "Why? Why? Can you explain that? Yes, but?"

And then there's the different firms! KPMG is the "fun" firm. PWC - the nerds. And EY is a combo of both. And, of course, if you choose to go with a smaller firm, that says a lot about the work environment and kinds of clients you're interested in.

There are assumptions I can make about industries - finance auditors make more money, government auditors have better hours. It's a matter of priorities, there.

So now that I've enlightened everyone as to the secret inner workings of accountants, I just would like to reiterate the main point - I am happy at work because I had to go through a rigourous personality test to get where I was - to make that decision. So it only makes sense that people should laugh at my jokes - they get me because they are like me!

(Disclaimer - they are also very different from me - I learn interesting facts every day)

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Thou Shalt Not Covet

So I've been thinking about this commandment, and I think for women it might have a special meaning.

I'm not a typical woman - I don't care a lot about decorating my new house. But I do know a good looking house when I see it, and I wish I could afford to decorate it nicely (including hiring said decorators).

Anyway, another thing I covet - other womens' clothes.

Oh yes. Walking down the halls at work, seemingly every girl I pass has a "cute" outfit on, and I find myself thinking, "I want that. I really want that." Then desperately trying to memorize what's in it.

See, I'm not good at clothing choices. I often fall for the trick of, "If it's on sale, it must be in style," as well as the, "Granny clothes on a young model" trick. I can't really match, and I am forced to stick to simple, yet effective rules to keep me dressed:

1. Don't wear stripes with stripes.
2. Just go ahead and say that anything with a pattern cannot be worn with anything else with a pattern
3. Don't wear two blacks, unless you are absolutely sure they go together (so in my case, don't wear black with black)

I'm sure there are more.

Anyway, my friends have helped me shop, but I still wake up every morning unsure of what I'm throwing together from my supply. I have literally dreamed of going into a store, pointing to a manequin, and asking the sales lady to give it to me in my size. And I order from catalogs now, so that I can see the picture of how it all goes together.

But I still find myself lusting over other women's outfits. How do they do it?

And the funny thing is, I want all of the outfits, but how could I ever afford them? I have too many clothes as it is?

I suppose I just long to be put together.

So while I was walking down the hall, Ithought that I this "clothe envy" really was breaking a commandment. But why the commandment?

I suppose there's some Good reasons. God didn't want a man lusting after his neighbor's wife so much that he was a) unfaithful with her b) unfaithful with his own wife or c) Would send his neighbor into the front lines of a battle so he could marry his neighbor's wife, who was already pregnant with his son (David)

But if you take the literal words away and turn it into "thou shalt not envy" there are even more lessons. Being green is not an attractive color in person. At all.

And it also belies seomthing about the jealous person. Low self confidence. Belief that something else is better. Less trust in the life God gave them.

So when I covet my coworkers clothing, I'm saying, essentially, I can't do it on my own. I'm not happy with the way God made me (fashion dense). Instead, I should be celebrating the gifts God did give me.