The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime

I just finished reading a book called, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime." The book is written from the perspective of a boy with autism who is trying to solve the mystery of a neighbor's murdered dog. Written very simplistically but with lots of cursing, the book is a fascinating insight into the life of an autistic child. Given that autism now affects (liberally, I think) 1% of the population, the chances of any given individual interacting with someone with autism seem higher than ever, and anyone who does should take steps to understand the disorder. My relationship with autism is fairly well removed - my sister's friend's son has it. And I've really never met him.

But I have a closer relation to Asperger's Syndrome, which is described as a mild form of autism. My sister believes she has it. Now, with Asperger's you have to be careful - because it is more mild, many of the signs appear the same as stereotypically "nerdy" behaviors - specifically poor social skills and obsessive behaviors. I think what made my sister believe she had it was her complete inability to read certain obvious social signs, but as she has matured, she has grown out of this, and I think overall if she does have the Syndrome it is a mild case. Still, walking back on the autism scale from the actual disorder to Asperger's to nerd to well-adjusted human being, I can relate. I, myself, am closer to nerd and Asperger than I am to "normal."

For an example, let me relate a few items a person with Asperger's shared on an Internet discussion board. He said that it was hard to meet girls, and so his buddies suggested he ask girls he was interested in about their job, to start up a conversation. But he didn't understand because he didn't care about their jobs. And when girls were interested in him, they would remark that he was tall, but he didn't catch that they were flirting, he just thought they were stating the obvious, and it kind of annoyed him. As another example, take the character Sheldon on the sitcom, "The Big Bang Theory." He is a guy who is stuck in his own world, cannot read people, and gets fixated on various things. He also has OCD tendencies.

What is interesting for me is that I GET this. I GET why the guy on the discussion board was so confused, and yet I also GET what he was doing wrong. I like being able to see both sides of the coin. Frankly, I think people put too much emphasis on certain social skills, and sometimes it has gotten to the point that it is not a social skill but an interest that is in play. For instance, the inability to make good small talk in a group may have less to do with social skills than simply not being interested or informed on the topic of discussion. Likewise it should be allowable to simply not be interested in talking to others in certain social situations, but wallflowers tend to be looked on with suspicion by social butterflies.

Reading the book about the autistic boy took these social ponderings to a new level. I think I could work with him - I really do. It wasn't until near the end of the book that I caught that he was screaming a lot (he says it so matter-of-factly it's easy to glance over). But when he is not screaming, his perspective of the world is tolerable if you are willing to be patient. For instance, he is very literal, so you should be literal when interacting with him, and you should do fine. And he has his OCD items, which you can work with. And he doesn't read emotions on faces - so you should be clear about what you are thinking. (Say, "I am angry right now...") Of course, I have never interacted with someone with autism to know how easy or difficult it would be. My college roommate went through classes and read books on dealing with different learning disabilities, and autism was one of her favorites. I wonder now if one reason is that she, like me, feels comfortable working with someone who processes things through logic and literalism, rather than emotions and good interpersonal skills. People are hard - I understand why anyone could have trouble understanding them, especially someone absorbed in logic.

Personally, I have my own people skills problems. For one, I find it hard to distinguish some suggestions from commands. Like, when someone says, "Are you coming to the meeting?" when he means, "Let's go to the meeting." And I am thinking, "No, I wasn't planning on it." Another thing I hate, not dislike, hate, are superficial greetings. And these are so common, it sometimes makes it almost hard to function in an office. What I mean is when, in passing, you see someone you know, and they say, "Good morning!" I don't need to hear that. A simple smile would do, although, depending on the strength of the relationship, I prefer averted eyes. Still, even with a close friend "Good morning!" is just too shallow. No real conversation ever comes from it. Or when someone asks how you are. True friends greet each other more familiarly, as though already in the middle of a conversation, "George, you will never believe what just happened." Pleasantries are not pleasant. Nor are those statements, again, often made to near-strangers or strangers, that appear to be conversation starters but really lead nowhere. "My, you guys sure drink a lot of coffee." "Looks like rain, doesn't it?" and my favorite, "Looks like your food will get cold before you ever get to the 11th floor." These are statements of facts, not ice breakers. I know social norm is to come back with some cute, witty comment, else give a simple acknowledgement. But my mind gets so stuck searching for the first, I have little energy for the second.

My final thought about the book is that autism is a sliding scale - which we can see with it sliding down to Asperger's Syndrome, and then on to "nerd." And it makes me wonder - if social skills are unavoidable in the modern world and workplace, how do we treat people with mild forms of autism? We cannot discriminate against them in our hiring practices, but if they cannot communicate, their job opportunities are limited. I don't mean that people with Asperger's should try to become salesmen or politicians any more than I believe I should be allowed to be a professional football player. Instead, I think of my own world - one of accountants and actuaries and, to some extent, IT personnel. None of us are known for our people skills, and yet I have found over and over again that I, who am not clinically challenged in this area by any means, struggle to keep up with the high interpersonal standards of the business world. So if one without good people skills cannot be safe even here, then where can someone who does have a Syndrome find meaningful work without some sort of protection? But if protection is offered for those who have been diagnosed with social problem, how fair is it that I, who naturally struggle, am not offered the same protection simply because it is my personality, and not misfiring neurons in my head, that are causing my social issues.