The Love Approach

I could not believe the outrage over the Focus on the Family Super Bowl Commercial. Here we have a woman saying how blessed she is to have her son in her life, and a man saying how lucky he is to be alive, and people are upset. How can someone look at this man and tell him that it is wrong for him to be alive? That his mother should not have chosen to let him live? These people call themselves "pro-choice," but in reality they are pro-abortion because otherwise they would have more respect for this woman's choice.

I have long been following the abortion debate, but the almost panicked response of pro-choice groups to this harmless 30-second ad got me thinking about the abortion debate. Crazed, nonsensical, panicked. That's what the pro-choice spokeswomen sounded like. That's the kind of rhetoric one usually hears when someone is backed into a corner, which is odd considering she has the upper hand in both law and the ear of the media.

On the other hand we have the pro-life movement, in this case Focus on the Family, calmly explaining that the ad is not controversial and is about love. Because that's what the pro-life movement has been about - love.

Now, I know there are people who stage violent protests at abortion clinics, murder abortion providers, show disturbing images, and perform undercover sting operations (which the pro-choice movement does as well). However, these types of tactics are not usually condoned by mainstream pro-lifers. And many times they test or break the limits of the law.

Ever since Roe v. Wade, those who respect life have been in an uphill battle. The law is not on our side. Federal funding goes to abortion providers and to provide abortions even in foreign countries. Popular culture is not on our side. The rising numbers of unexpected pregnancies are not on our side.

But in this culture, those who identify themselves as "pro-life" have increased from about a third of the population to over half. And over half is enough to make a difference in the way we elect our government officials. Over 2/3 would be enough for us to overturn Roe v. Wade.

So how do we get there when we are fighting the law, the pro-choice movement, and even the extremist versions of our own movement? The answer is love.

The distinctive factor in the mainstream pro-life movement is that it has to be, by its very nature, a movement about changing hearts. Unlike other movements which have been reinforced with government mandates, this movement is, in its way, against the very law of the land.

However, by using our free speech, love, and with a lot of help from God, we win over hearts. First and foremost, we show women that we love them.

The pro-choice movement wants to paint us as people who hate women. In their eyes we take choices away from women and then judge them for the choices they do make. However, what they do not tell women is that the only choice they offer (abortion) is the one that is most likely to harm them both in the short and long run.

Abortions hurt women. I used to naively think this phrase referred to unborn females. However, in the last few months I have been studying the effects of abortions. There is a great medical risk, first of all, which can cause serious side effects, difficulties carrying future babies, and in some cases death. It is an invasive procedure, as it would have to be. It does not remove a cyst or a tumor that is not supposed to be there, but a baby which the body has fully accepted and will not give up easily.

Then, of course, there are the emotional risks, which tend to be greater the more unsure a woman was about the choice she made. For insance, if someone says she believes abortion is murder but has one performed anyway, then for the rest of her life she is doomed to live knowing that she has committed murder. This guilt is as much self imposed as it would ever be imposed by society.

However, the truth of the pro-life movemement is that we lovingly point out these real risks but let the mother make the final decision. Although we feel the pain of so many unborn babies, we believe in a loving God who will call these innocents home. The focus of the pro-life movement has to be on the mother, and our love for her, and God's love for her.

By using love, we show her that she can be forgiven and redeemed no matter what her decision. If she chooses to keep the baby, we discuss plans for sexual integrity in the future, so that she does not have to go through the pain of this decision again. We help her financially. We discuss adoption. If she chooses abortion, we are there for her in prayer. If she comes back hurt, she will not meet with anger or judgment. Instead, we will show her how God has set out a plan to redeem her and help her find counseling.

(By the way, I recently found out that Project Rachel, which is one of the biggest post-abortion recovery groups in the United States, is a Catholic service. I mention this only to show just how easy it can be to misjudge those who call themselves pro-life. No one is more outspoken against abortions than the Catholic church. However, they also provide the greatest healing services for women who have had abortions. Rather than dole out judgment, the most adamant pro-life group in the world calls hurting women into God's healing arms).

In taking this love approach, we are almost blessed as a movement. I believe that many other Christian movements - indeed Christianity in America itself - have been damaged simply because they are accepted. We are losing Christians right and left, and perhaps this is because we have become complacent. We have forgotten what it means to struggle for what we believe. And we have forgotten the power of love.

I write this today because of the change that observing and being involved in the pro-life movement has done in my heart. By being pro-life, that means I am for all life - both those born and unborn. I have learned the value of every life, which means that I am learning the value of each individual that I meet. To hate is to wish someone dead. To wish someone dead is to wish they had never been born. And to do that, I would be a hypocrite.

Strangely enough, I have almost stopped caring about "saving babies." Perhaps it is because I believe they are already saved. However, my new passion is helping scared, hurting women by showing them love and helping them to make the right choice, even if it is not the easy one.

How grateful I am for this uphill battle, because it would be so easy to take the same route as the pro-choice movement or the extreme pro-life movements. To be vocal and have an ear in the media. To commit acts of violence. To respond to mild threats by snapping back in a panicked frenzy. But women are not tennis balls. They do not deserve to be fought over like a piece of steak by two rabid dogs. They are human beings whom God loves, and who deserve to know the facts, and who deserve to be loved.