More on Music

There was a time when I would show up to church and it seemed Divinely influenced that the songs we sang “spoke” to me and whatever I was feeling at the time. Oddly enough, I think it was that same phase in my life that the church was preaching, “Church is not about speaking to you, or what you get out of it.” Still, I think God knew what I needed.

That phase stopped when I joined the band – I think mostly because I was forewarned about what we were singing. You can’t be Divinely surprised and spoken to when you’ve been contemplating the songs for three days.

Well back to my original statement about being careful. See, another danger is to worship the songs. I think there may have been a time in my life that I did this. I may still do it and be making excuses. But I think that there really is something to my dilemma here (not having a good worship service to attend).

Loving music has made me a bit of a critic. I say I like all kinds of music, but I realized that I’ve been exposed to a very limited variety – namely, professional music. I have a trained musical ear, and off-key notes stand out to me like modern art in a cathedral. Also, as an accountant, I don’t really like change. It takes three times to get to like a song. Finally, once I get to like the song, I don’t really like people messing with it.

So when I’m in church, I really want more than anything to have my focus be on God and worshipping him and bringing Him glory. I know God’s not that critical. And maybe I should pray about this problem. But when the music’s off key, or the song’s being sung too slow, or I don’t even know the song, it’s harder for me to think about praising God. Instead, I’m thinking, “Two keys lower ought to do the trick.”

But when the opposite’s the case, when everything comes together to create a beautiful worship service, I can close my eyes, not even looking at the screen, and just sing out for God. My mind stays focused on God’s glories and wonders, not anticipating the next song and whether it will be better. I feel like I’m raising my voice with a choir of angels. I imagine the millions of Christians who have come before me feeling just as passionate about God’s wonders.

So I suppose that’s why it’s so important for me to have a good worship service. Selfish, yes. But it’s also sad to realize that, at this point, I can’t see myself ever feeling as close to God in a worship service as I’ve had the opportunity to be the last few years.

I’d like to add one more thing. While I’m talking about UCC. Some of my greatest spiritual mentors were at that church. They taught me so much. Some of them were on the staff. Others were members. Still – the passion at the church caught me and reeled me in. I wanted to do things for God. I wanted to grow closer to him, not to get into heaven, but to really grow close to Him. I learned the meaning of the cross and the blood, and how powerful hymns can really be.