Giving

As I sit in the airport, I think of all the different things I still need to write about. Today I was reading in “Celebration of Disciplines” by Richard Foster about service. Now, this book is a great guide to Christian discipline. It convicted me of the need for personal growth with God through prayer, meditation, and true study. In fact, using tips in the book, I went through Jonah 10 times, and I believe I gleaned so much more from it than I would ever have, even if I read it 10 separate times over my life.
The chapter I finished today was on service. Now, let me say that, while we always have the opportunity to grow, I found this chapter spoke to me in another way. For me, service comes fairly easily, and many of the warnings Dr. Foster gave about the wrong heart made me pause, but upon consideration, I believe I am safe.
Of course, this does not apply to all service from me, and there were several sections of the chapter that I particularly feel I could learn from. However, service is one of my spiritual gifts – not the biggest one for me, but it’s up there.
But this brings me to something I had thought about this summer involving service, gifts, and prayer of all things. Let me tell you first what I came up with this summer:
For me, it is easy to give people service. Sometimes I don’t always see what needs to be done, but once I know that I can help, I want to! I think it’s part of my desire to do everything, along with a gift of mine. That said, it probably happens very often that I do not appreciate the services done for me enough. I’m not talking about customer service, say at an airline or hotel. I am talking about when someone volunteers their time to help me out, or helps me carry something heavy. I think many times, once this service is performed, I may not offer the appreciation and gratitude that it deserves, because I think, “Oh, I would have done the same thing.” Which I would have.
Conversely, although when I do it, it makes me feel good, I don’t buy people physical gifts very often. For my first three years of college, if I went to dinner with friends and paid, they paid me back. It never occurred to us to trade off buying dinner for each other, and not keep score! I’m also fairly frugal, so I don’t randomly buy gifts for people off of holiday seasons, birthdays, and travel trinkets. Therefore, it is very hard for me to accept gifts from people. Where with services I may not acknowledge enough, with gifts, I may be over concerned with expressing my gratitude.
Well, how does this tie to prayer? It is hard for me to pray. I have to try so hard for it – I try different methods, just to see if one will stick. I can’t pray aloud! Heavens no! And therefore, it is very hard for me to accept people’s prayers. What may be the easiest thing for some people to give, makes me almost uncomfortable. The phrase, “I’ll pray for you…” makes me want to respond with, “No, don’t!” I suppose we each have our own gifts that are easy for us to give. That’s the beauty of the world – the gifts can balance each other out.
Now, my current line of thought deals with my previous conclusions. Why is it so hard to accept gifts? I mean, services, physical gifts, or prayers, why is it so hard to accept something from others? I know I am not the only one who struggles with this because I read about the subject over and over again in books. And even more than wondering why, the question is: what can we do about it?
I suppose practice is a definite start – practice being gracious. And I believe that means expressing gratitude without overdoing it.
Another point a friend made is that you can’t repay gifts with gifts! It is so hard for us to accept gifts that we cannot repay. If someone were to give me a diamond necklace, I suppose I would try to “repay” them by doing a service, or perhaps being their friend. While this “buying friendship” motif is a common problem, especially among multi-class relationships, the other choice is to offer nothing in return. Could you accept a diamond necklace?
I suppose the circumstances would have a lot to do with your reaction – is this person already a friend? That’s what I’m ultimately talking about. So if one of your random friends gave you a gift, the gracious thing to do would be to acknowledge it and say thank you. But it would be almost an insult to that person to try to give them something in return, or, worse, out-do their previous gift. I know that in some cultures and settings, back and forth gifts are appropriate. However, in the Christian sense of giving, gifts come from the heart with nothing expected in return.
That’s what charity boils down to – giving to people who don’t have the means to repay you. And while I don’t suggest performing acts of charity on your friends, there is a similarity. I suppose the real answer is the “pay it forward” response. No, I don’t suppose I can repay people who give me gifts with other gifts, or even services. However, what I can do is take a page out of their book! These people are so generous with their time, money, and even prayers. And so I should learn to be as generous! And in that way I can accomplish so much: accepting gifts graciously from my friends, helping other friends, and clearing my own psychological conscience that, for whatever reason, tells me that I cannot accept anything for free!