That Commandment

I suppose it's time to get my dirty laundry out. Now that I have "time" to write, I feel that writing helps me focus my thoughts and figure out what it is I'm "trying" to think. Also, there's the accountability factor. I've already brought this up with one friend, who went, "hmmmm..." (I don't think it's an issue for her - or not in the same way at least). But if someone has the same problem, if someone can offer advice? Megan? Anna? :)

Over the last couple of years I have come in contact with some of the most amazing people! They astonish me, almost on a daily basis, with one simple aspect: they get along with their siblings. And their parents! For me, I was almost taught that sibling rivalry was a natural course of life. Look at Jacob's sons! But still, I'm sure given a choice, God would always prefer us to get along with our family.

Which brings me to the Commandment. Now, my Bible's laying across the room, and I don't have the order memorized like my more religious friends, but we all know that, "Honor thy mother and thy father," is in there somewhere. Well, I have been struggling with this more and more recently.

When my sister and I were kids, we obeyed almost without question. And as a teenager, I would usually come home and gab with my parents - we got along real well, real chummy. But I remember in my sophomore year of college telling a mentor that things were getting more tense with my parents - especially my dad. And now, well, I just wonder sometimes.

What my mentor said was that these changes were the natural pangs of growing up and changing from a child who obeys her parents to an adult who is more of a friend to her parents. And my problem? I think my parents still think of me like a child.

OK, maturity break here! I've seen the drama a million times on TV sitcoms - the teenage girl (11-16 years old) fights with her parents because she wants to be treated like an adult and then makes some stupid mistake. It seems to me that I'm enacting that drama at the age of...well, older....So am I truly just as immature as that 16 year old on TV? Or am I really mature, and logically and justifiably fighting to be treated as an adult? I don't know...

Anyway, my mentor made sense, and I will admit my mom seems to have followed that advice. Apparently she thinks I'm a strange goose, but I kind of think she is, too. :) We could have been identical twins - looking alike but being completely different.

Now, here's the kicker: the Bible says, "Honor thy father and thy mother." (Somehow the order got reversed there...) But what does honor mean? Respect? Obey? Say good things about them behind their backs? I mean, if you were going to honor anyone, how would you do it? I hear the word and I think flowers and parades...

But if I go by my own questionable definitions, I believe I don't truly honor them, or my sister. In fact - this is scary - I don't hold them in any kind of high place in my life. All I care about are my friends...when Vanessa and I were studying the love languages I had the hardest time picking mine out, and one reason was because the way I interacted with the people I loved (family) was entirely different than the way I itneracted with my friends. And yet, if I had to be honest, the result for my friends was closer to my personality...

So if I honor my family, I respect them, right? I do respect them. I used to say that they were the best possible family ever! And I still hold that they raised me very well (very modest apparently), and gave me everything I needed and much of what I wanted. And I respect my dad's opinion more than anyone else's in the world! So I guess I have that down.

Obey? Here's the hard part. For so many years, I never made an effort to go back and see them. I talked to them on the phone a lot. But I kind of shunned them. And the sad part is, I don't see much of a change there. I mean, I want to spread my wings and explore! And I suppose the way that they interact with their parents has influenced me, too. Right now, I still think we have a better relationship, but I grew up thinking that my parents' parents lived 3 hours or more away - so aren't kids supposed to move away when they grow up?

In truth, I still obey them, even when I don't have to. I've just been trained that way. But I moan and groan about it.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is - I don't think I honor my parents, but I don't know how to! I mean, like any sin, it takes hold of you and is hard to change! I mean, I don't want to start being all clingy with them, or I'll feel like I've lost my sense of independence, and that's a very important part of my personality.

On the other hand, I don't want to lose them! I honestly think of the song, "Cat's in the Cradle," although it's not entirely fair (yes, Dad was gone a lot as a kid, but I don't remember ever feeling abandoned by him) And I think God wants us to rely on each other to a large extent. He gave us that family for a reason.

So I guess I need help, God's help, and advice. And, most importantly, to just put in a little effort.