As the moon rises high over the cool Chicago skyline and the stars begin to twinkle over Lake Michigan, the time of night draws near in which five little children must take to their beds. To sleep per chance to dream. And to send them to bed with sweet dreams, I have created the loveliest of bedtime stories.
As follows: (please note, this is actually a story about me and my job...the names have been changed because they have to be). There was once a mighty fortress that stood in the plains of the land of Illinois. It towered a story above all the fortresses nearby, including the fair castle of the Spanish Maids, where the Princess Sarah, our heroine lived.
Long ago, before Sarah moved to the land of Illinois, in the village of Warren, this fortress called Doom Mansion house an army of guards called the Bluesmen. These guards stood watch over the fortresses holds of jewels, guarding them from those who would steal them away. For 99 years the Bluesmen stood aguard. However, able as the Bluesmen were, the Knights of the Fortress had created an immense labyrinth through which they slowly hid their jewels. They had the best intention - trying to protect the wealth of the Doom Mansion.
One day, King Cedric asked to see the jewels. He summoned the head Bluesman, but the head Bluesman had been injured in a jousting tournament, so his squire was sent instead. "Bring me a jewel! A green one! I wish to go out." The king said.
So the Bluesman looked for a jewel, but he could not find one. He sent runners out to find the head Bluesman, but it was too late. The Bluesman had traveled to the far reaches of the world to revive himself. Meanwhile, the rest of the Bluesmen were at the Doom Mansion looking high and low for a green jewel. But naught was one to be found. All that they could find was the labyrinth constructed by the workers of the fortress.
When the Bluesman reported back to the king, the king was furious! He grabbed a display sword off the wall shouting "Off with his head!" But the Bluesman acted quicker. He turned abruptly to his left and strode up to the head of the castle guardsmen and threw his glove at the guard's feet. "O king, I blame this man here! And I challenge him to a duel."
The day was set. The entire village of Warren showed up for the duel. Hours and hours it lasted, until finally, both men lay dead. One from exhaustion. One from a lethal head wound.
After the tournament, the King, fired the Bluesmen guard and hired a new order of knights called KPMG: Knights Performing Magnificent Gestures. These knights were charged with a magnificent quest. It was the quest for the jewels of Doom Mansion. The jewels were hidden away within miles and miles of mazes. And so, KPMG called in all the greatest and bravest knights, asking only for those willing to accept the call! And one of those knights was Princess Sarah. She responded, although horrors awaited her!
Before she could enter the maze, the fortress required her to hand over all her long golden hair as a defense against fleas. Then she was subjected to three weeks of initiation into the Knights, during which she was forced to sit in the stocks, wear fancy clothes to a joust, and deliver food to the other knights as though she were their slave. If the food was wrong, they threw it at her. But once the initiation was over, Sarah was allowed to enter the maze and begin her quest for the jewels of Doom Mansion.
I wish I had a happy ending to this story. However, Sarah entered the maze and, although she has had much success - retreiving jewels in the caverns of the King's Reserves and Armory, battling ogres, and making use of teamwork with her other knights- she has not yet returned from her quest - so I don't know if it was a success. One ogre still remains: a very powerful ogre under the employ of the fortress itself. He was hired to protect the jewels, and yet his overeagerness has caused much agitation to the knights.
In fact, many knights were killed or driven mad in their sojourns into the depths of the caverns. Only the best and bravest survived! Each jewel Sarah retrieved brought great praise from the knights, and that's the happiest ending I have to report.
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